


In my arms forever you'll be strange

by MiriamMT



Series: Gallavich FanFiction [11]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, EMT Ian Gallagher, Homophobia, Ian Gallagher & Mickey Milkovich Friendship, Ian Gallagher In Love, M/M, Musician Mickey Milkovich, Sad Ian Gallagher, Secret Relationship, Single Parent Mickey Milkovich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26112580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiriamMT/pseuds/MiriamMT
Summary: This is a Rockstar AUMickey and Ian are best friends since their childhood. One day, Mickey steals a guitar and develops skill and passion for the instrument. He starts a band with kids from the neighbourhood - hoping it would be his ticket out of the Southside and away from his abusive dad. Ian was always his number one fan - and his first love.But after his dad threatened both of them, Mickey takes his chance with his band and escapes his life - leaving Ian behind.5 years later he comes back to reconnect with his teenage love. He has to keep him secret, but for how long is Ian willing to live a life like this?
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: Gallavich FanFiction [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551802
Comments: 27
Kudos: 147





	1. Strange

**Author's Note:**

> Here a few general notes for better understanding the references to (great) music 
> 
> Epitaph Records - a record label founded by the Bad Religion guitarist, the label of Falling in Reverse 
> 
> Bad Religion - one of the 2 bands my mom listens to 
> 
> Strange - a song by Tokio Hotel ft. Kerli "I feel so absurd in this life don't come closer you'll die slowly, in my arms forever you'll be strange"

Ian and Mickey were best friends since they were kids. Most people stayed away from the Milkovich boy, he was dirty and mean and like his family aggressive and violent – right?

Not in Ian's eyes. He knew Mickey as funny and street-smart. He was a problem-solver (and sometimes violence was the solution), he was a protector. Ian has always been a small and thin child and Mickey, who was a year older, protected him. He always protected him since they met in elementary school and Mickey stopped some mean kids from stealing Ian's lunch.

Since then they were inseparable. They took their first drugs together, got high together, had their first beer together. And ultimately Ian was with him when Mickey stole some street musician's guitar, the musician had molested Mandy, Mickey's sister, before and Mickey stole his guitar to get back at him. 

Ian was there when Mickey was twelve and he started randomly pulling the guitar strings. Ian was there when Mickey developed a love and passion for the instrument and learned playing all his favourite songs on the old acoustic guitar.

Many people suddenly took an interest. Being a guitar player made him interesting and hot for the girls, it made him cooler for the guys, but the whole time, Ian was there, and Mickey didn't need another friend than him.

And then it happened – Ian fell in love with him. He watched the handsome teenager play guitar one afternoon, he just played for him that day, while they got high together, and it hit Ian – he loved him. They sat together on Mickey's bed, Ian was 14, Mickey 15, Mickey still had the same guitar, he was always saving and stealing money for a new one, an electric one. Mickey was playing on the guitar while Ian took a drag from the joint Mickey had rolled for them before. Ian loved watching Mickey play more than he loved listening to it – Mickey seemed to be in a whole different world. In a world without an abusive dad, without the south side and drugs, a world where he could just play his guitar forever. And Ian then realised that he fell in love. And then Ian was in his own world too. A world in which Mickey would love him too, saw him the way Ian saw him, wanted to kiss him. And Ian was so lost in that world for a moment, that he just leaned in and kissed him. 

Mickey stopped playing at once when Ian pressed his lips against Mickey's. When the music stopped, Ian suddenly realised what he was doing and pulled away. Mickey looked at him surprised.  
"Whoa, what the fuck?"  
"Sorry", Ian said, surprised by himself, "I didn't mean to – I mean, uhm, it's just the weed, probably. Sorry."

Mickey was still looking at him the same way as before and Ian hurried to get up from the bed, "I'll just go home, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it weird, I don't know what happened."  
Mickey leaned forwards and grabbed Ian's wrist, "Gallagher, calm down, it's all right."  
"It... is?"  
Mickey nodded and pulled him back on the bed, he smirked and then kissed him on the lips, "It feels nice", he said and then picked up his guitar again, "Now, listen, I've been working on this part all week."

And so, Ian kissed him. He always kissed him. Ian kissed his neck and cheek and forehead and his lips. Ian kissed him when they got high, when they got drunk. Ian kissed him when he comforted him. Ian kissed him when he just watched him play and listened to his music. He kissed him after they stole more money for Mickey's new guitar and when they were both so excited for Mickey to play on the new guitar for the first time.

Mickey always let him kiss him, kissed him back, pulled him in dark corners so Ian could kiss him. It wasn't more than that, it wasn't about feelings for Mickey, it was about it feeling nice. And that was okay for Ian.

What wasn't okay for Ian was girls flirting with Mickey, what wasn't okay at all for Ian, was Mickey actually sleeping with those girls – kissing them.

When Mickey was sixteen and Ian was fifteen and Mickey had his new guitar, he started a band with some kids from school. They all listened to the same punk and rock stuff and all wanted to play music. They believed that it was their way out of the south side.

Ian came up with their name and their band logo – _Strange_.

 _Strange_ had a handsome singer called Dominic, a bass player called Sylvia, the drummer Nick, Rhythm guitarist Eddie and Lead Guitarist Mickey.

Mickey and Dom wrote most of the songs together and they quickly gained some popularity in the South Side. And Ian was always there, at every gig, right in front of the stage, and when their set was over, he kissed Mickey in secret, and everything was well.

One afternoon when Mickey was eighteen and Ian was seventeen, they were in Mickey's room again.  
 _Strange_ had the chance to play for a record label soon. Mickey was excited and the whole band was just rehearsing the entire time, it was the first time in a while that Ian and Mickey were alone.

They lay next to each other in Mickey's small bed and Mickey nudged Ian to talk about his family and how it was going at home and in school. "We're just talking about me and the guys lately", for the band Sylvia was part of the guys, "How's it going at your place? You still tell me everything, right?"  
So, Ian told him about everything that was going on and Mickey listened carefully to every word. Just listening, not interrupting. He liked Ian's voice, he liked his stories and he liked his positivity, always finding something to laugh about in the mess that was his life. Mickey rarely had that kind of optimism, Ian always said, that's why Mickey was a great musician and Ian wasn't.

Eventually Mickey got tired. He always felt comfortable around Ian, calm. He eventually cuddled up to him, lay his head on his chest. It was such an innocent, childish thing to do. He hugged Ian like a giant pillow and listened to his heartbeat, slowly dosing off. Ian looked down at him and kissed his forehead, then he lay comfortably down in Mickey's pillow and fell asleep with him.

Mickey woke up when someone grabbed his arm and pulled him from the bed. He was thrown on the hard ground and was kicked in the stomach. Mickey had no idea what was going on, he opened his eyes and looked up to the man who was beating him up – it was Terry, his dad.

He was screaming something about faggots and cuddling like girls. Mickey looked to Ian, suddenly fearing Terry might have done something to him too. But Ian just sat in the bed and stared at them shocked, he eventually started shouting and asking terry to stop – but the man had no intention on listening to the Gallagher.

Mickey could barely comprehend Terry's or Ian's words. He just tried to protect his head and his hands from Terry's outburst. Terry eventually dragged him to the bathroom, babbling about "sissy boys" and "making a man" and whatever shit fell from his lips while taking an electric razor, Mickey tried to crawl away from him – he already knew this punishment. Terry trapped him underneath him and started shaving off his hair, leaving bloody scabs and marks all over his scalp. When he was finished, he turned Mickey around and punished him across the face so hard his nose broke.

"If I ever see you with that fag again, I will cut those hands off, see what kind of musician you are then", then he spat at him.

That weekend, when they were playing for the record label, Mickey put all his hate and his anger into his music, conveying raw emotion. The people loved it, but Ian could only feel Mickey's pain through the guitar strings and Mickey's screamed backing vocals, and he didn't dare to kiss him afterwards this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Strange got their record deal with Epitaph - but Mickey wasn't satisfied. He was just angry all the time, not even Ian could calm him down.

Mickey had often been angry, it wasn't a new emotion. But usually his anger would end up being written down in a song. But this was different. He was full of rage and hate, which he wanted to Express by being destructive instead of productive.

Ian wasn't there to calm him down. To stop him from drinking and getting high. Mickey was eighteen and Ian wasn't there for the first time in 10 years. But that wasn't Ian's fault. Mickey avoided him. And Ian was angry at Mickey for avoiding him.

 _Strange_ recorded their first single, then an entire Album called " _Fate's unintended cursed kiss_ " (it spelled FUCK)

And suddenly everything went so quickly. They weren't played up and down the radio like those pop dudes with the puppy eyes, but among the pop-punk, punk rock, alternative and hard rock music scene? They had their big break.

None of the five expected this to happen so quickly. Neither did Ian. 

People were talking about concerts and tours now. In small clubs and well-known bars - they were arenas in contrast to the small gigs they had played so far.

Mickey realised that he had to act now. He had to sort out things with Ian before starting this new chapter in his life.

He came to his house in the evening, the door was opened by Lip, who made a sarcastic remark towards him and then let him inside.

Mickey didn't bother with the rest of Ian's family, he just went upstairs to his room.

Ian lay on his bed, reading some book for school, when the door opened. When he saw Mickey, he immediately put the book away and sat up.

"Mick!", he grinned at him, "I didn't hear from you in ages"  
Mickey gave him a half smile and closed the door.

"I just wanted to talk to you before I leave", he mumbled and swallowed hard. Ian looked at him confused and got up from the bed.  
"Leave?"

Mickey nodded, "On Tour. It all went so fast suddenly with the album and shit... well, we're leaving tomorrow and I'm not coming back here."

Ian stared at him stunned.  
"I just...", Mickey licked his lips, "Wanted to say goodbye."  
"Goodbye?", Ian asked and shook his head, "No, Mickey... you're my best friend we've always been together! And now you just... what did I do wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Ian. You've never done anything wrong. But shit... my father broke my nose when he caught us sleeping in one bed together. He said, when he sees us together again, he's gonna cut my hands off. And fuck knows what he's gonna do to you."

Ian stepped closer to him, "You're worried about me?"  
Mickey looked away, bit his lip, and nodded.  
"I could come with you... wherever you go to hide from him, I could come with you."

Mickey shook his head, "You have to go to school. And... this has to end. The cuddling, the kissing - all of it."  
"No... No, don't say that.", he cupped his cheeks and Mickey closed his eyes for a moment, "Run away from your dad and this place as far as you have to but... don't end us. Not like this."

Mickey looked at him, Ian was taller than him by now, "What us?"  
Ian looked down at him with a hurt expression, "I love you", he said and swallowed hard, "And you have to know that. It's- It's impossible that you don't know that. Tell me, that you know that!"

Mickey looked up at him, he knew. Yes, of course he knew. He wasn't blind, he knew why Ian always kissed him and was jealous when Mickey happened to touch a woman twice a year.

And the horrible, gut-wrenching, paralyzing truth was - Mickey loved him too.

Mickey leaned up to him and kissed him. They kissed for the first time in a while and it was by far their most passionate kiss they ever had.

They slept with each other for the first time that night. Mickey fell asleep in Ian's arms and Ian kissed his forehead. And when Ian woke up the next morning, Mickey was gone.


	2. Slowly hitting idle Teenyears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References for this chapter 
> 
> Eddie - Eddie Vedder is the singer of Pearl Jam, my mom's favourite band, the first concert I've been to
> 
> Sylvia - female main character of my fav movie "suicide room" 
> 
> Anthony – name of Ronnie Radke's brother, Singer of Falling in Reverse, he died in a car crash a few years ago 
> 
> Death of a band member- recently Derek Jones, guitarist of Falling in reverse, died 
> 
> Vallo - Ville Vallo, singer of HIM, my 2. Favourite band
> 
> Jamie Muhoberac – new live touring keyboard player of MCR

5 **years later.**

Mickey was scrolling through the Wikipedia entry of Strange.

 **Origin:** Chicago, Illinois, U.S.  
**Genres:** post-hardcore, hard rock, pop punk, punk-rock, hard-rock

 **Labels:** Epitaph Records

 **Members:**  
Eddie James - Rhythm guitar  
Mickey Milkovich - Lead guitar  
Dom Vallo - Vocals  
Sylvia Tašić - Bass  
Anthony Thomson - Drums

 **Past members:**  
Nick Green **†**  
Jamie Muhoberac - Keyboard (live)

 **Discography**  
Fate's unintended cursed kiss (2015)  
Slowly hitting idle Teenyears (2017)  
Heaven's elected long-time losers (2019)

He smiled at the childish names of the albums. He was sitting on a bench in the Southside across from an EMT station, killing his waiting time with reading headlines about himself and his band.

Nick's recent death came as a shock to all of them. He had drug problems for years, sure, but when he actually died from it, shortly before the HELL album came out in 2019 it was a shock and at the same time it was a good thing.

Mickey had taken some drugs now and again during the last five years - okay, he was high and drunk all the time. It kind of came with the lifestyle. Never heroine though, unlike Nick. But he had gotten his shit together a year prior to Nick's death. But when Nick eventually died, it was like he kicked his ass a final time.

Mickey had to get his priorities in check. They had the HELL tour without Nick - they didn't want to play it at first, but Nick's girlfriend insisted, that he would have wanted it and that they should dedicate the concerts to him - so they did. Their new drummer Anthony was alright, a great musician.

But now, after the tour, they wanted to take a break. Because of how Nick died, Sylvia finally checked herself in for rehab. Dom spent time with his family and Mickey went back to the Southside for only one reason.

Ian.

It all always boiled down to him. Every song that he had written over the last five years was either about hating his dad or leaving his love behind.

Mickey knew from Mandy, that Ian was angry at him. He was really fucking angry, which led to him not wanting to talk to Mandy anymore.

So, Mickey didn't know if he was still angry or if he still had some feelings left for him.

But he knew where he worked. He was an EMT now and should come out of the station Mickey sat across from any minute now.

Mickey was wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled deeply into his face, so no one would recognize him.

He finally saw the man strolling out of the station, his red hear was shining in the sun, he was grinning from ear to ear while chatting with a colleague.

Mickey put his phone away and started following Ian. Eventually the colleague left at a corner and Mickey prepared himself to finally approach Ian. He was a few inches away from him, when Ian suddenly stopped, turned around, quickly grabbed Mickey and pushed him against the nearest wall.

Mickey stared at him surprised, Ian stared down at him angrily, "Why are you following-", he stopped and blinked a few times, "Mickey?"  
Mickey smirked, "A nice hello to you to, Gallagher. Is that how you greet an old friend?"

Ian let go of him, "What are you doing here?"  
Mickey shrugged and readjusted his hood, "Wanted to see you."  
"You wanted to see me? Just like that after five years?"  
Mickey bit his bottom lip, "Can we talk about that? Privately?"  
"There is nothing to talk about", Ian mumbled and then started walking again, Mickey followed him.

"Nothing to talk about? Are you serious? You just looked at me like you want to throw up all the things that we gotta talk about."  
"

Ian sighed and turned around to him again. "Why now?"  
Mickey hesitated, "Nick died", he whispered eventually.  
"Yeah", Ian mumbled, "I've heard, sorry for your loss."  
Mickey nodded, "The thing is, we talked like just an hour before he died, he was high as fuck, like usual and he said some things to me about regrets and missed opportunities in life. Whatever, I just want five minutes of your time, Ian. We were best friends for 10 years, don't I deserve one conversation?"

Ian looked at him again and sighed. "Okay, we can have a coffee together, that's all the time you get"  
"Sure, but not in a coffee shop or something right? I want to talk in private and I can't have people recognizing me now."

Ian smiled lightly and nodded. They went to Ian's apartment

"You live here alone?", Mickey asked while going through to the living room.  
"Yeah, it ain't much, but it's close to work and it's liveable."  
"A Gallagher alone in a home and it's not made of a box, who would have thought?"

Ian smiled at him. He made them coffee and then sat next to Mickey on the couch.

"So, how's your family?", Mickey asked, deciding to start with the light topics before diving deep into their messy relationship.

"Great, yeah, Debbie has a daughter, Franny, and Lip just had a baby too"  
"You're an uncle then, congrats"  
Ian nodded, "They are really cute, but it got so loud and full in the house I had to move out. Did you know that your cousin is dating Debbie now?"  
"My cousin? Which one?"  
"Uhm... Sandy"  
"Sandy? That bitch! She said she had a new girlfriend but made a big secret about who it is.", Mickey grinned and shook his head.

"My mom died", Ian said eventually  
"Oh, I'm sorry", Mickey mumbled.  
Ian nodded, "And I'm bipolar. Like her"  
Mickey looked at him surprised, he sighed sadly and put a hand on his back, "I'm sorry. I should have been here for you"

Ian shrugged, "You had stuff to do, it's alright. I have it under control. My brother checks in with me all the time to make sure I'm okay.", he shook his head and looked at Mickey smiling, "I heard you have a child."

Mickey took his hand away from his back, "Yeah, a son, his same is Ethan.", he smiled widely, "He's the cutest Rockstar in the world, do you wanna see a picture, I have like a thousand!"  
"Thousand? How old is he?"  
"9 months"  
Ian chuckled, "I never pictured you as a dad."

"Neither did I. I had a one night stand with some girl I met in a bar, took her home. Two months later she stands in front of me again talking shit about pregnancy and stuff. Wanted money for the abortion. I said to her, if she wants to abort the baby, that's her thing, why would I pay, it's probably not even mine. She then didn't abort. I still didn't believe it would be my baby. I'm always using a rubber and I slept with her once, so what are the odds right? I just thought she was pumping for money because she knew I had some. But when Ethan was born, I made a DNA test as quickly as possible and I actually am his dad"

He gave his phone to Ian with all the baby photos on them.  
"And the mom?"  
"She's a bitch, I can tell you. When I knew he was my son I was of course ready to pay. Started a college fund and all that dad-stuff. But she was always only asking for money and never seemed to care about the baby. I don't think much of it actually ended up being used for him. So, I eventually went to court to get custody of him, because sometimes she would only let me see him if I kind of 'pay her by the hour' for visiting time. She eventually said to me, we don't have to do the whole custody and payment thing, she could give up her parental rights and in exchange I could give her money."

"She basically sold her kid to you?"  
Mickey nodded, "Her own fault. Ethan is great. Everyone would be happy to be his mom."  
Ian smiled at him, "Does this work with you being on tour all the time and stuff?"  
"Mandy watches him often, I bought her an apartment next to mine here in Chicago now. She takes care of him now, so I can talk to you."

Mickey took his phone away from Ian and put it away.

Ian looked at him, "I'm guessing you didn't only come here to talk about your kid."  
"No..."  
"Okay, then talk. I told you I love you, we had sex and you left in the middle of the night without another word. Now, you."

Mickey bit his bottom lip, "I was afraid.", he mumbled.  
"Yeah, of your dad. I get that, but it doesn't mean that you can just do that and not talk to me for 5 years"

"I know", he looked up at him, "I know My behaviour sucked. Dad would beat us half to death if he would have found out we were kissing all the time. But it wasn't only my dad. It was this entire neighbourhood, I was scared the guys would throw me out of the band, the record label would drop us, people wouldn't listen to our music just because of this. And... I was scared of you"

"Of me?", Ian asked confused.  
"Of the things you made me feel", Mickey admitted, "Which didn't stop at 'kissing feels nice' or horniness. I... I fell in love with you, Ian. And it scared the shit out of me. I was so scared of my dad, of what other people would think, of my own feelings, of our relationship changing and ultimately going up in flames. It was good the way it was with kissing and being close - until my dad beat me up for only sleeping next to you and threatened to harm you. I didn't know what to do, so I opted for running away."

Ian looked at him with big eyes  
"You were in love with me?", he whispered.  
"I still am. That's why I'm here. Because I don't want to die with a needle in my arm one day just thinking about how my life could have went if I just talked to you. You see... you don't have to say anything to this. It's been 5 years, I have a child, you maybe have a boyfriend or something. I just wanted to let you know all of this."

Ian bit his bottom lip, "But, if you came here to tell me this, does that mean you, like, want to be together with me or something?"

Mickey smiled at him, "Well, I didn't come all this way, got an apartment in Chicago and held a speech just because of this coffee. I'm just asking for a chance. If you don't have any feelings for me anymore, I get it, no problem. Just tell me to leave and I won't bother you again."

Ian just quickly shook his head and then wrapped his arms around his neck quickly and kissed him.

Mickey honestly didn't expect getting Ian back being so easy. He thought Ian wouldn't love him anymore or would at least make him suffer a bit for leaving him in bed back then.

Mickey ran one hand through Ian's hair and kissed him back. Both had missed this so much. It was like they were teenagers again.

Ian pulled back suddenly, "You've got a tongue piercing now"  
Mickey smirked and nodded.  
"That's so fucking hot", Ian mumbled and kissed him again. Mickey pulled him over to him, so Ian straddled his thighs, while they made out on the couch.

Mickey had waited for this for 5 years - 5 years to see and touch and kiss Ian again, and also to have sex with him again. He has never been with another guy since Ian.

Over the years some one night stands happened when he was drunk, most of the women had red hair and freckles, not that this would seem like a sign or anything to Mickey.

Mickey unbuttoned Ian's shirt. Ian pulled back again, "Wait"  
Mickey looked up at him confused.  
"Just, you said you want to be together with me, right?"  
Mickey licked his bottom lip, "Yes, I mean, it's kinda complicated about relationships and being somehow in the spotlight, I don't want to-"  
"Yeah, yeah, you can tell me all about the restrictions and rules after I finally fucked you again.", Ian shook his head and Mickey grinned, "It's just, like I said, I'm mentally ill. Like my mom, it can be really messy. I take meds for it, but... it's a bit unpredictable"

Mickey smiled up at him, "So? Is that supposed to be a reason for me to not be around you again? If you ask me, you always had a few loose screws, otherwise you wouldn't have been my best friend all those years."  
Ian chuckled and hit his arm, "You're still a dickhead"  
"Would you like me any other way?"  
Ian shook his head and kissed him again.


	3. Dom + Eddie = Deddie, ian + Mickey = a secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shipping the Singer & guitarist - happens quite regularly, but here it's a reference to MCR Frank×Gerard, when Gerard got married people blamed his wife Lin-z for "ruining" Frerard 
> 
> Alex Gaskarth - singer of All time low, his older brother committed suicide 
> 
> Mitch Lucker - singer of suicide Silence, died in a crash in 2012
> 
> Directioners - arguably some of the worst people on earth

They lay next to each other in Ian's bed, panting.  
"Oh fuck", Mickey chuckled, "I forgot how much this hurts"  
"Sorry, but it always does if you didn't do it in a while. If we do it a few times, you'll get used to it."

Mickey smirked and lay on his side to look at him, "I'll take that as a promise. You remember the first time we fucked, my ass hurt so much the next day and I had to sit in a tour bus for hours"  
Ian laughed and looked at him.  
"And yet you came back for more... after five years."  
Mickey shrugged, "It was awesome sex though." 

Ian leaned over to him to kiss him.  
"So, I guess this is time to have the rules and restrictions talk, huh?"  
Mickey sighed, "Can we make out a little longer before I ruin it again with those things and you decide it's not worth it?" 

"Hey", Ian mumbled and pushed Mickey's shoulder down, so he was lying on his back again and Ian leaned over him, he traced his hands over Mickey's body, his arms were fully covered in tattoos and he also had some on his chest and stomach, "I fell in love with you when I was 14. You left me once, you're not gonna get rid of me so easily again." 

Mickey smiled, "I'm gonna give you the chance to revoke that statement after the following rules. Well, they're not really rules, I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just asking."  
"Mick, I've known you for 15 years, spill." 

"Okay. I don't want our relationship to be public. I'm not saying never, just not yet."  
"Because you don't want people to know you're gay"  
"I don't want to make a fuss about it before we know that this will work out for sure.", Mickey corrected, "But yes, I might be worried about some people's reaction. I guess the fans wouldn't mind, you should see some of the fantasies they have about Dom and Eddie. The guys from the band - I'm not sure what they would say or think. I don't know how people in the business would take it. And then there are still family members, neighbours, random people on the street who would recognise me as the fag with the guitar." 

Ian rand his hand through Mickey's hair, "Mick, believe me, if random homophobes wanted to attack a gay musician, they'd start with people like Troye Sivan"  
"Who?"  
"Pop Musician", Ian shrugged.  
"Wow, I'm gone for a few years you listen to pop music? That's a disappointment." 

Ian chuckled and hit his arm lightly, "Shut up, I also listened to your music"  
"You did?"  
Ian nodded, "I love it. Slowly hitting idle Teenyears had some of my favourite songs. I always looked up the lyrics on the internet to check if you co-wrote them." 

Mickey smiled up at him, "It's also best for you if we keep this secret for a while. So, please don't tell your co-workers and other people. You can tell your family, but they've never liked me anyways, so I guess they would just tell you to leave me anyways." 

"Why is it best for me?", Ian asked confused.  
"Sometimes those fans take it a little far, especially the younger ones. Like, some wanted Dom and Eddie to have something with each other and when Dom got engaged, the fans started bullying his girlfriend on Social Media. It was so hard on her, she almost broke up with him. He told the people to stop it or to stop listening to their music, and most people did stop when he said he would cancel tours over this. She really is the sweetest girl, she didn't deserve all that hate. And Nick's one ex-girlfriend cheated on him, and when the fans found out, they started a huge shitstorm and hate thing on her social media too. It doesn't happen often, but... I don't want to throw you into their claws." 

"You think I couldn't handle a few moody teenagers? I grew up with 3 little siblings."  
Mickey chuckled, "Yeah I'm sure that's the same as a bunch of people calling you a stupid ugly cunt fag every day. But we're still lucky with our fan base, the few people who do that shit, usually get told off by other fans too. The pop boy groups have it worse. Like those British guys... Uhm, One Direction, I think? Their fans once told Alex Gaskarth, you know from All Time Low, that he is the reason his brother killed himself."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah. And when Mitch Lucker died, they told his 6 year old daughter to kill herself. They're fucking sick." 

Ian sighed, "I'm glad you're not doing pop music. Well, but I guess you're right. We should keep this to ourselves for now."  
Mickey smiled and kissed him again. 

Mickey had a lip piercing and a tongue piercing - Ian remembered when they pierced Mickeys lip at home with a needle and a potato. It wasn't a great idea and they hadn't been able to kiss for weeks. But it looked hot now. 

They were disturbed by Mickeys phone ringing in his Jean's pocket somewhere on the ground. 

"You have your own song as ringtone?", Ian chuckled.  
Mickey shrugged, "It's Mandy's ringtone and the song is about annoying people, so it fits" 

He sat up and reached for the phone.  
"Yeah?"  
"Mick, where are you?"  
"You know where I am", Mickey rolled his eyes, Ian sat up too and Mickey turned to him. 

"You said you will be here at six"  
"I know, and it's not six yet, it's five"  
"But you need a while from the south side to over here. Leave soon, you know I have a date tonight"  
"Yes, I know, I will be there in time. Is Ethan okay?", Ian looked at Mickeys tattoos a bit more detailed now. On his chest, above his heart to be exact, he had "Ethan" tattooed with a music note next to it. 

"He's fine, he's playing with the choo choo train"  
"Okay, tell him daddy will be home soon"  
"Yeah, yeah, daddy better will be home soon, because I'm leaving at six."  
"Mandy you won't leave my son alone in the apartment"  
"Do you really wanna take that chance? Now come home"  
"Yes, alright, I'll come as soon as possible. Bye", Mickey hung up and shook his phone. 

"You have to leave?"  
"Yeah, sorry, Mandy promised to watch Ethan until 6, because she has a date then, and she's worried I won't be home in time. And I actually wouldn't put it past her to just get up and leave when her date picks her up." 

Mickey pecked Ian's lips and then started getting dressed.  
"Have you seen my shirt?"  
"Living room"  
Mickey nodded and went back to the living room where both their shirts lay on the ground. Mickey also saw Ian's phone on the table and took it with him to the bedroom. 

"Unlock this", he said and gave the phone to Ian.  
Ian looked at him confused and unlocked his phone.  
"I'll save my new number into your phone. Text me tonight or some time, yeah?"  
Ian grinned up at him and nodded, "When can I see you again?" 

"If it would be up to me, whenever you want, but it depends on how willing Mandy is to watch Ethan. But we gotta make up for 5 years not talking, so, I hope soon."


	4. Mickey Milkovich being extra for 7 minutes and we love it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kerrang!Award – music award for Rock & Metal Music

2 weeks later

Everything was going great. Mickey and Ian met regularly. They talked a lot about what happened in the past years - Ian more than Mickey, since Mickey's last 5 years were documented in overdramatic headlines. 

After the last 2 weeks it already felt like they've never been apart. Like they were still the Southside Teenagers who spent their time stealing money for a new guitar and piercing their own lips with needles. 

But even though it felt like it again, which really meant that Ian was on cloud 9 and in his secret little dreamland again, they weren't 17 and 18 anymore. The good thing was it wasn't just a dreamland anymore. Ian was Mickeys boyfriend. 

But because they weren't teenagers anymore, Mickey was kind of famous, so their relationship had to remain a secret. And then there was Mickey's son. 

Mickey loved telling stories about him and showing Ian photos of the baby. But he didn't meet him yet. 

Ian and Mickey lay in Ian's bed together.  
"I have to leave soon, promised Ethan to feed him today."  
"He cares who feeds him?"  
"Oh yes, I don't know what Mandy is doing, but she's doing something wrong. He is way calmer and eats more when I do it. Mandy thinks he hates her." 

"He sounds like a handful"  
Mickey smiled at him, "Not everyone can handle a Milkovich."  
"Speaking of... can I meet him at some point? I mean, you're my boyfriend now, he's your son... I should meet him, right?" 

Mickey licked his lips and looked up at the ceiling.  
"I don't know"  
"Don't you want me to meet him?"  
"No, that's not it. I just don't know when the right time is for that. I know it from TV shows, when a single parent has a new partner and the kids get used to them but then they break up and the kids are super upset - I don't want it to be like that. He is still so young, what if he gets used to you, and at some point you realise you could do so much better than me and then you leave me and him - how am I supposed to explain that to him?" 

"Whoa, first of all, I don't think I could ever do better than you, so-"  
"Ian, you don't know that. We're in this relationship for 2 weeks, neither of us can say if it will work out in a month or two"  
"We were best friends for 10 years before."  
"First of all, we're not the same people we were 5 years ago though, and second, friends and boyfriends aren't the same. I'm kinda protective of that child, so... you have to wait." 

Ian looked at him and nodded, "Okay, I get it. I also have enough daddy issues to be really attracted to you being a good dad. Just know that I really want to meet him, so whenever you think we're steady enough to take that step, tell me."  
Mickey smiled and leaned up to kiss him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A good month later, Mickey decided it was time. He and Ian were great so far, he didn't see a lot of ways this could get messed up. Granted, he didn't think very far ahead. 

His band was taking a small creative break right now. Dom and Mickey were chatting and face timing a lot working on new songs, but the band wouldn't get together and work on them for another year. They all needed this break after Nick's death. 

Mickey didn't lose a thought on the future when he would work with the band again. He didn't have a plan how it would go with Ian or with Ethan, he didn't want to have a plan. He wanted to enjoy the little time he had with his son and his boyfriend - so far just separately. 

He asked Ian to come over today. Ethan was in a good mood, he wasn't whiny today, he sat on the ground with a box with holes in shapes of little things he could stick into the box. 

Mickey sat across from him on the ground and proudly applauded when Ethan put an object into the right spot. 

Someone rang the bell to the apartment.  
Ethan looked up and pointed in the direction of the noise. He babbled something. 

"Someone is at the door, huh? Do we want to have a look who is at the door? Who is our visitor?"  
Ethan didn't need to be asked twice, someone ringing the bell didn't happen often, it usually was either Mick, Mandy, Sandy or another cousin's daughter, who cleaned the apartment sometimes. So, whoever was on the door, Ethan probably guessed it was a family member who would give him a lot of attention and love today. 

Mickey got up and went to the door. He checked if it was Ian through the spy and then opened the door for him.  
"Hey", Ian smiled.  
"Hey, come in" 

When he closed the door, he kissed Ian softly on the lips. Ethan made a few noises from where he sat a few feet away. 

Mickey smiled and looked at the child. He looked at Ian with curiosity. Mickey went back to him and picked him up. 

Ian took off his shoes and walked over to him.  
"So, this is Ethan, future Rockstar and Strange's biggest fan. Really, he always gets super happy when listening to our music" 

Ian grinned brightly, "Hello Ethan, I'm Ian", Ian said and stroked over his back, "I'm your daddy's new boyfriend." 

Ethan looked at Ian intensely. Ian smiled at him with his big goofy smile and Ethan started grinning too and seemed to do a shrug before turning to Mickey again and babbling something. 

Mickey smiled at the boy, who leaned back and looked at Ian upside down, laughing. Mickey pulled him back up and then carried him over to the couch. 

Ian followed them. He looked around the apartment. It was held in dark colours and strong black and white contrasts. Posters and awards for Strange were on the walls and a Kerrang!Award stood on the mantle of the fireplace. An acoustic guitar hung on the wall next to it. 

The rest of the apartment was surprisingly kid friendly. Toys were scattered on the ground in the living room, a safety glass was in front of the fireplace, many pillows, and soft carpets for Ethan to play on and his playpen stood by the big couch. The picture on the mantle, standing on the other side from the Award, was a portrait of Ethan. 

Ian sat down with them.  
"He looks exactly like you, except the hair", Ian smiled and ran his hand through Ethan's soft red, thin hairs.  
"So, you have a child with a redhead or was the DNA test false?", Ian smirked.  
On most of the baby pictures Mickey had shown him so far, Ethan had either no hair or it was so thin and light, that Ian could never really be sure about the colour. But now he was sure - the baby had fine red hair. 

Mickey rolled his eyes, "If you want to suggest that I slept only with women who kind of looked like you, I have to inform you that one of them was blond and the majority of them just dyed their hair red." 

Ian chuckled and leaned over to peck his lips.  
Apart from the hair, Ethan really did look like Mickey. They both had very few and faint freckles, but most importantly, Ethan got Mickeys eyes. 

They spent the afternoon playing with Ethan, he showed Ian all his toys and played with him. Ethan was crawling over the floor as fast as he could trying to catch a ball rolling around the living room. 

Ian and Mickey sat next to each other on the floor, watching Ethan playing with the ball, every time he reached it and tried to grab it, he accidentally pushed it away again, so it kept rolling. 

"I can't believe you of all people made such a cute little child", Ian teased, "He's great... and you're a great dad."  
Mickey smiled at him, "I'm glad you're thinking that. Unfortunately, it means I set the bar too high. Most of the time he isn't this nice and calm." 

Ian shrugged, "That's okay. The important thing is that you don't stop being his dad when it gets hard. And I'm gonna love you even more for seeing you struggle with him a bit." 

Mickey smirked, "You really do have daddy issues. I thought they would just cause you to fuck old dudes and make you a people pleaser"  
"They do, yeah, but getting turned on by guys who are good dads feels a bit more healthy, so I'll go with it."  
Mickey chuckled, "Okay. I'll go prepare his dinner now, if he doesn't eat as scheduled, he's getting cranky.", Mickey got up from the ground, "That kid is a fucking drama queen and attention seeker, I swear, I have no idea where he got that from" 

"Really? No idea at all?", Ian asked, "You are aware that there is a video compilation of you on YouTube called 'Mickey Milkovich being extra for 7 minutes', right?"  
"Actually, it's called 'Mickey Milkovich being extra for 7 minutes and we love it'" Mickey corrected him and winked at him.


	5. Do The Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fenders - I think it's common knowledge that they're making guitars. However, for MCRs reunion they got custom designed guitars from fender. And they're fucking beautiful. And then the tour got postponed. PAIN

It went on great and nearly uncomplicated.

Ian had a ton of patience with Mickey, which surprised both of them, to be honest.

Ian and Mickey had a perfect time together, the sex was fantastic, the conversations were deep and intimate sometimes, but always uncomplicated. Granted, they couldn't have dates outside of Ian's or Mickeys apartments, but Mickey always tried to make up for it by giving Ian a great time.

The rest of their time together they usually shared with Ethan. It was fun watching the little guy grow up, it was amazing for Ian to see Mickey dedicating his time and energy to another person like this. And Mickey even trusted Ian with Ethan more and more.

The band recently started getting back together to work on new songs. Mickey usually left Ethan with Mandy or took him with him (which wasn't the best thing to do, if Dom's child wasn't there too)

One morning, a year after Ian and Mickey started dating, Ethan was almost 2, Ian woke up to Mickey checking himself in the mirror – which was weird. Not only because it was weird Mickey looked at himself in a mirror for more than two seconds, but also because he was up before him. He wore a My Chemical Romance T-Shirt, Ripped jeans, bracelets and black nail polish. 

"Are you going somewhere?", Ian mumbled from the bed.  
"Yeah, I'm meeting Eddie and Sylvia. We're getting our new Fender's guitars, custom design for the new album and following tour, all that.", Mickey smiled at him, "Then I go to Dom's place, he wanted to go over a few lyrics he isn't sure about. I'll be back late afternoon. Will you wait here?"

Ian nodded.  
"Okay, I get Ethan dressed, go back to sleep", Mickey leaned over the bed to him to kiss him.  
"You're taking Ethan with you?"  
Mickey nodded, "What else am I supposed to do? Mandy is on that trip with her boyfriend until the end of the week."  
"Well... I could watch him", Ian suggested.  
Mickey shook his head, "You don't have to do that, Freckles. I'm not paying _your _rent for babysitting."__

____

Ian sat up, "But Mandy isn't here, you have work to do, it's my day off. I would love to take care of him."  
"Really?"  
"Yes, I'm your boyfriend after all, which makes him my st- boyfriend's kid... However, it wouldn't be a problem for me to take care of him today."

____

Mickey grinned at him and kissed him again, "Okay, thanks, freckles.", he got up from the bed to go to Ethan's room, "And I know you wanted to say stepson", he smirked before leaving the room.

____

Mickey checked on Ethan, who was already awake, and stood up in his bed excitedly when he saw his dad. He had already called out for him before.  
"Hey, Rockstar", Mickey picked him up.

____

He changed his diaper and dressed him in jeans and a band shirt – yes, there are band-onesies and toddler shirts and Mickey loved this fact. When he was finished Ian entered the nursery.

____

"Okay, Ethan, daddy has to go to a work meeting today, so you stay with Ian, okay?"  
"Een", Ethan said and made grabby hands towards Ian. Mickey always chuckled when Ethan said Ian's name, because he showed all of his tiny teeth during it.

____

He handed the toddler over to Ian.  
"Here you go. Okay, be a good kid when you stay with Ian, listen to him, don't be too whiney, yeah?", Mickey kissed Ethan's cheek and then looked up at Ian, "Call me if something is wrong, okay? Thank you for taking care of him, I love you so much", he mumbled and kissed his boyfriend.

____

"No problem, Mick, now go to your guitar meeting thing."  
Mickey smiled, "I'll bring back some dinner for you and me. And then I'll thank you properly", he winked and pecked his lips, "Bye. Bye-bye Ethan, say bye-bye to daddy"  
Mickey waved to Ethan, Ethan waved back while Mickey left the room.

____

Ian smiled, "Okay, Small E, how about some breakfast? Sound good?"  
"Breffast!"  
"Yeah, breakfast", he carried Ethan to the kitchen, "What do you want for breakfast?"  
"Waffles"  
"Waffles? No, Ethan, that's special food for breakfast with daddy and Ian together."  
"Daddy!", Ethan called, "Waffles!"

____

Ian smiled and opened the fridge with Ethan on his hip, "Daddy is at his guitar meeting, small E. You are alone with me today. Didn't you listen when daddy told you?"  
"Come back for waffles", Ethan shrugged.  
"Yeah, I bet you'd like that. We'll eat waffles with daddy on the weekend. We'll find something else for you and me. I'm sure we have some bread here, you can choose the topping: Honey, raspberry jam or Nutella?"  
"Mhmm tella"  
"Nutella?"  
"Yes. Tella waffles"  
"No, Nutella bread. Waffles are for breakfast with daddy.", he sat Ethan down on the counter, "Stay put where you are, I get you your food."

____

Ethan sat on the counter and watched Ian preparing his breakfast.  
"cacao", Ethan said.  
"Can you say please and thank you?"  
"Thank sou"  
Ian chuckled, "Well, you're Mickey's son, it's gonna be such a surprise if you actually develop some manners at some point."

____

After Ethan ate his Breakfast- which here means he put the Nutella all over his face but not in his stomach - Ian washed him and then played with him and his choo choo train.

____

Ian checked his Instagram and noticed that Mickey added something to his story. Ian clicked on the little icon of Mickey showing his tattooed knuckles into the camera and called Ethan to him so they could watch the Story of Mickey and Eddie at Fender's together.

____

"Look, Daddy and Eddie are getting new guitars", Ian said.  
"Guitar is broken?"  
"No, I don't think that the old guitar is broken, Small E, Daddy just likes having new guitars for his tour."

____

He heard Mickey talking on the story, admiring the beauty of his new guitar, he could see Eddie in the background doing the same. Ian smiled, "Do you think the guitar is pretty too, Ethan?"  
"Yes", then Ethan pushed the phone away, "Een play"

____

"Okay, yes, I'll put it away and play with you - oh, wait, my brother is calling me."  
"No", Ethan pushed Ian's hand with the phone away.  
"I'll be quick, okay? It's my brother, I have to answer him, or he will get worried. Go play, I come to you in a minute."

____

Ian accepted the facetime call from his brother.  
"Hey Lip", Ian said, Lip sat at the kitchen table, Debbie was next to him, "Hey Debs"

____

"Hey, just checking in with you. We didn't hear from you for a few days. But you seem alright"  
"I didn't text you for 3 days and you're thinking I'm depressed already?"

____

Lip shrugged, "Better safe than sorry. How are you?"  
"Great. I'm really happy, feeling stable, somewhat normal sleep schedule, I'm fine guys."

____

"Somewhat normal?", Debbie repeated.  
Ian shrugged, "I'm spending most of my days at Mickeys place and we have a 2 year old here, so"

____

Ian had told his siblings about Mickey being back and his boyfriend after 4 months of being in a relationship with him. They weren't exactly thrilled about it.

____

Lip had been the only one who knew about Ian's crush on Mickey since his Teenyears. The way Mickey had left back then and how it made Ian sad, made Lip hate the musician.

____

The siblings were convinced that Ian deserved something better than "A wanna-be Falling in Reverse 'musician' who hides you from the world and just uses you for sex when he feels like it."  
\- not that anyone ever bothered to actually get to know Mickey better.

____

"Is that his place in the background?", Debbie asked.  
"Yes, it's Ethan's room, nice, right?", Ian leaned out of the frame so his siblings could see some of Ethan's toys behind him.  
"That kid has a dollhouse that's bigger than our childhood room", Lip said and shook his head.  
"It's not a dollhouse, it's a knight's castle. The difference is important to him. Right, Ethan? It's a castle for the knights."  
"Knights", Ethan repeated, "Sword", he took one of his toy swords and started swinging it around while imitating swoosh-sounds.  
Ian chuckled and Ethan came running over to him and looked at his phone screen.

____

"Are you alone with the child?", Lip asked.  
"Yeah, Mickey has to pick up a new guitar and then goes over to Dom to work on some new songs."  
"So, he uses you as dildo and Nanny now, congrats"  
Ian scoffed. "Shut up. I offered taking care of him today, Mickey wanted to take him with him. And he doesn't use me, he loves me."  
"Loves you? Come on, he treats you still the same way he did when you were Teenagers. Kissing in secret and one day, he's gonna leave you alone in your bed again and won't talk to you anymore for 5 years."

____

Ian took Ethan on his lap, "Just accept that you're wrong Lip. Look at this little guy, Mickey is a great dad to him, he isn't the same man he was 6 years ago. Not to him, not to me. Right, Small E? Your daddy is the best daddy ever."  
"My daddy?"  
"Yes, your daddy is great"  
Ethan nodded, "Daddy home and waffles"  
"Yes, when Daddy is home tomorrow morning, we'll have waffles."  
Ethan stood up again and pushed Ian's hand with the phone away, "Een play."  
"Yes, Ian plays with you now.", Ian smiled and looked at his brother on his phone, "I have to go, he doesn't like it when people are on their phones instead of playing with him. So, you two, get your attitudes in check. Bye Bye."

____

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

____

Mickey came home in the afternoon. As soon as Ethan heard the key in the door, he ran towards it.

____

"Hey, Rockstar", Mickey said when he came in and saw Ethan, "Did you have fun with Ian?"  
"Yes"  
Ian walked up to them too and kissed Mickey shortly.  
"And did he behave?"  
"Of course, he did. He took his nap around noon and he just started to get a bit cranky now because he is hungry."

____

"Good that I remembered to bring dinner", Mickey grinned.

____

After putting Ethan to bed, Ian and Mickey sat on the couch together.  
"You're the best boyfriend in the world", Mickey mumbled and kissed his cheek, "I'm so happy you and Ethan like each other."

____

Ian smiled at him. His conversation with his siblings came back into his mind.  
"Mick, you love me, right?"  
"Yeah, of course I love you. Why would you doubt that?"  
Ian shrugged, "I'm not doubting it. It's just... my siblings were talking shit about you again, that's all. But you would like... never leave me in my bed again and not contact me, right?"

____

Mickey looked at himself softly, "Ian, never. I'm not 18 anymore, I wouldn't just run away again. Especially not from you."  
Ian looked down at his hands and smiled shyly.

____

"Could you do me a favour?"  
"Anything"  
"I want you to come with me to a family dinner."  
Mickey raised his eyebrows, "Family dinner? With... your family? All of them?"

____

Ian nodded, "They don't really know you, I'm sure they would be more supportive if they would get to know you and not only draw conclusions from your reputation as teenager, your headlines and hiding me."

____

Mickey leaned his head back and moaned in annoyance.  
"Mick, please, it's important to me."  
Mickey sighed, "Okay"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, fuck it, they're not gonna change their minds either way, so what's there to lose, right? And I can't say no to you anyways."

____

"Hm, usually you're very good at saying no. When I ask you to, you know, do the thing", he smirked. Mickey looked at him.  
"If I do the thing, can I cancel on the dinner?"  
"No, but I want you to do the thing for me though", Ian mumbled and kissed his cheek, kissing down to his neck, "Nice and slow, with these magical fingers"

____

"I'm not gonna do the thing"  
"Please", Ian whispered while trying to seduce him.  
"No"  
"Please, just for me"  
"No, Ian, I'm not writing silly, sappy love songs"

____

Ian sighed and leaned back on the couch dramatically, "And I thought you love me"  
"Not that much."

____

Ian opened his eyes and looked at him, Mickey started laughing at him.  
"You are such an asshole"  
"I know, I'm sorry"  
"Yeah, fuck you", Ian crossed his arms in front of his chest and turned away from him.

____

"Naw, freckles, don't be mad, I'm sorry ", Mickey said, still chuckling, he scooted over to Ian and wrapped his arms around him. He kissed his neck.

____

"Okay, how do those pop music love songs go - Baby, baby, baby, uhh", he sang, and Ian started laughing.

____

"You're a such an idiot", he laughed, while Mickey kept singing the line over and over again.  
"Yeah, I know. And your taste in men is really fucked up. But I'm not complaining."

____

Ian grinned and turned around so they could kiss properly.

____


	6. Magnets

Another year later, it was Ian and Mickeys 2nd anniversary. Mickey was on tour right now. He had to leave Ethan with Mandy and Ian at home, actually with Mandy, but Ian came by every day, picked the almost 3-year-old up from day care and took care of him when his work made it possible. 

Ian also made sure Ethan and Mickey could Skype every day, but today he wanted to have some alone time with his boyfriend. 

He sat in Mickeys living room, it was around noon in Chicago but almost evening already wherever Mickey was in Europe right now. Ian facetimed Mickey, who sat on his hotel bed at the moment. 

"Hey Mick"  
"Hey freckles, happy anniversary, I'm so sorry I can't be there tonight"  
"It's alright, Mick, I'm just glad that I can at least see you - and you're coming back in a month and a half, then we can still celebrate our anniversary." 

"Okay", Mickey smiled, "But you'll get my gift now already."  
"Your gift?"  
"I planned ahead", Mickey smirked, "Go to the bedroom" 

Ian looked at him confused but went to Mickey's bedroom.  
"Okay, what now?"  
"Bedside table, my side, second drawer, way in the back" 

Ian kneeled down in front of the bedside table, opened it and got a small box from the back of the drawer. 

It was wrapped in black paper and a heart was glued on it.  
"Before you make a comment about the wrapping, Ethan helped me with it. Now open it." 

Ian chuckled, leaned the phone against the pillows on the bed and started opening the box, underneath the wrapping paper, inside the small box Ian found a plain, black leather bracelet, with a small, silver M-charm. And underneath it lay a keychain.

"I can barely see you from down here, could you pick me up again?", Mickey said.  
Ian quickly took the phone and smiled at his boyfriend.  
"Take the bracelet"  
Ian took the bracelet from the box and Mickey raised his wrist so Ian could see that Mickey was wearing the same bracelet but with an I dangling from it.

"I love this", Ian said, "it looks fucking cool, too.", he looked at it closer and noticed that it had another charm on it, which looked like a half of a pearl. 

"I'm gonna wear mine for the rest of the tour. It means that I think about you the whole time", he smiled.  
"Aww, Mickey, since when are you so romantic?"  
"Fuck off, I'm just feeling guilty because I'm not with you for our anniversary." 

Ian grinned and put the bracelet on his wrist.  
"I love it. But what about this keychain?"  
"It's symbolic. Kinda. Ethan picked it out. Anyways, it's for the key I gave you. I gave you the key so you could watch Ethan while I'm on tour, but I want you to keep it. It's your key now. I want you to always be able to come and go... I want it to be our apartment." 

Ian looked at his boyfriend lovingly, "I love you so much", he whispered, "Really you have no idea"  
Mickey smiled back, "I think I do", he said, "I love you too, freckles." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When Mickey came back from his tour, Ian and Ethan were supposed to wait at home for him and not pick him up somewhere. 

It was hard to tell who of the 2 was more excited to have Mickey back home ~ but Mickey was probably more excited than both of them to be back. 

As soon as Mickey unlocked the door Ethan came running from the couch.  
"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" 

"Hey Rockstar", Mickey let his bags and suitcases stand in the middle of the door and picked Ethan up, "I missed you so much, did you miss daddy too?"  
"Yes. You were away for sooo long"  
"I know, I'm sorry. Tomorrow you and I will make a only Daddy-Ethan day. We can do whatever you want, that sound good?" 

"The zoo!", he exclaimed immediately, "I want the zoo!"  
"Okay, zoo it is. If it doesn't rain tomorrow."  
"Yes!" 

Ian smiled at them and came over to Mickey, "Hey, my turn", he whispered and kissed him. 

In the evening, after finally putting Ethan to bed, Ian and Mcikey sat on the couch. 

"Sold out tours, gold albums, awards...", Ian said and looked at the ceiling, "You remember when we were just kids and you stole your first guitar and just started playing? Who would have thought you really get here?" 

"You always said I would make it", Mickey reminded him, "You were th only one who believed in me and you were the only one I believed."  
Ian smiled at him and kissed him.  
"Fuck, I missed you", Ian mumbled, "You didn't like... have anything with groupies or someone, right?" 

"What? Are you asking If I cheated on you?"  
Ian shook his head, "It's just my siblings being annoying pricks again. I was taking care of Ethan one evening, because Mandy was at a date, but I had to go to a family evening though, so I took him with me. They were talking shit about you the entire time. How you will probably fuck all of your fans while I watch your child." 

Mickey sighed, "Your family are assholes. I would never do that - come on, have we met? I wouldn't cheat on you"  
"I know... it's stupid. But I once dated a guy who fucked a woman and said it's not cheating because she's just a woman."  
Mickey looked at him confused, "Come again?"  
"Yeah, I didn't get it either." 

Mickey shook his head and kissed Ian's cheek, "I would never fuck someone else behind your back.", he said and put his hand over Ian's and intertwined their fingers.  
When their hands touched, Ian heard a metallic clicking and looked down at their hands confused. 

He lifted his hand up and saw that their bracelets were connected now. The small pearl half was apparently a magnet - Mickey's bracelet had the other half of the pearl and together it formed a small round magnet. 

Ian grinned when he saw it and looked at Mickey.  
"See, we belong together"  
Ian chuckled, "You're a dork"  
Mickey grinned and looked at their bracelets, "But really, do you know why I bought them?"  
"Because you're a romantic at heart even though you refuse to show it?" 

"No. I bought them in January, when you were depressed"  
Ian looked away shyly. He had a small manic episode in December and started the new year with a depressed episode. It was the first time Mickey had seen his disorder in action, and he had been so afraid Mickey might leave him afterwards - but he didn't. 

"Not gonna lie, it scared the shit out of me. The mania and the depression. But in the end it doesn't change anything for me. You're bipolar, you have those extreme poles in your head - and that can get messy, but you manage it. I know you're always doing your best to manage it, until you can't anymore and then I'll be there to help you.", he said and kissed Ian's knuckles, "Those magnets represent that, okay? They have poles too.", he disconnected the magnets, "but even if it gets messy, even if we have to be apart because of the band, or we fight or whatever - I'll be always attracted to you and reconnect", he said and let their bracelets connect through the magnets again. 

Ian smiled at him, "You're the north pole to my south pole?"  
Mickey nodded.  
Ian leaned in and hugged Mickey tightly, he rested his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes, "I love you so much Mickey, you have no idea"  
"I love you too"


	7. From one second to the next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Billie Joe Armstrong - singer of Green Day

Ian and Mickey were together for over three years. It was still a secret, no one found out yet, even though people had seen them together at places, shot photos, also when they were together with Ethan. But so far none of the photos or the witnesses told anything about their romantic relationship.

Ethan was 4 years old and he treated Ian like a second dad. For him, there never really was a life without Ian, he was around for as long as he could remember and he firmly believed that Ian was part of his family the same way Mickey was, the same way the other kids at kindergarten had 2 parents.

Ethan had his creative phase right now. He owned a small ukulele (he wouldn't stop asking Mickey for a guitar, since he wasn't allowed to play with Mick's guitars) and was strumming the thing without any thought or plan all day and night.

And now he got into drawing. His drew Daddy at a concert, Daddy with his guitar, a dog, a house. He loved to draw boats and sharks and then told Ian and Mickey all about the pirate adventure that he came up with.

Mickey sat on the couch in the living room, when Ethan came running to him with a new picture in his hand.

"Daddy, look my new picture!", he exclaimed excitedly and held it as far up as he could.

Mickey took the picture from him and Ethan climbed up on the couch too.  
This time, Ethan drew people, but not pirates or ninjas - normal people. It actually looked like a child drawing in a cartoon.

One figure had black clothes and black hair and an object Mickey knew was supposed to be a guitar - Ethan always painted him the same way - next to him was a smaller figure with red-blonde hair and on next to him was a tall third figure with fire truck red hair and blue clothes.

"This is you and this is me and this is Ian", Ethan explain and pointed at the figures, "See, Ian wears his EMT uniform and you're holding the guitar", he said proudly.

Mickey bit his lip. The figures were all holding hands and a heart was above them.

"You don't like it?", Ethan asked sadly.  
Mickey looked at him, "No, Ethan I love it, I really do, you did such a great job", he ran his hand through Ethan’s blond-red hair, "you're an artist"

Ethan grinned up at him, "In kindergarten we were supposed to paint ourselves with our mommy and daddy yesterday. And I was the only one who didn’t paint a mommy and Jason was so mean about it! But now I don't care anymore, because I have Ian and he doesn't."

Mickey grinned at his son and hugged him, "I don't know what I'm doing half the time, but somehow I'm raising you right. Come on, we hang your picture on the fridge and when Ian comes home you can show him."  
"Yes!"

Ethan ran to the fridge immediately. It was covered in Ethan’s pictures already, because Ethan demanded that every picture that Ian called "great" would be put on there. Ian called every picture great.

Mickey placed the family picture in the centre of the fridge door.  
"Good?"  
"Yes! I can't wait to tell Jason all about Ian so he can't make fun of me anymore for not having a mommy!"

Ethan was already about to run back to his room, But Mickey stopped him.

"Hey, wait, wait, wait. Come back here."  
Ethan came back to him and Mickey squatted down in front of them so they could see eye-to-eye.

"Listen, Ethan, you know daddy and Ian are a couple, right? Daddy and Ian love each other very much. But you also know that daddy is known by many people for his music."  
Ethan nodded.  
"And because of that, it's a secret that daddy and Ian love each other, okay?"

"A secret? Why?"  
“Well, because if people know about it, they could be mean to Ian and daddy. And we don't want that, right?"  
"Why would they be mean?"  
"Because some people don't want to men to love each other."  
"Why?"  
"Because they're stupid people. But Ethan, that's not my point. You can't tell anyone at kindergarten about Ian, okay?"

"But they know Ian. He gets me from the kindergarten when you're away."  
"Of course, they know Ian, but they don't know that Ian is our family and that we love him. And you can't tell them about him, okay? You don't tell them that daddy and Ian kiss, that Ian is here all the time... don't draw this kind of picture in kindergarten. Did you understand?"

Ethan nodded but he looked sad.  
"Okay, go play in your room, okay? You can draw as many pictures of Ian as you want here at home."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian came home after his shift. Ethan came running to him excitedly as soon as he heard Ian.  
“Ian! You’re finally home! You have to look at my new picture! Come, come, come”, he grabbed his hand and started pulling him in the direction of the kitchen.

“Woah, wait, Small E, I have to take off my shoes first”  
Ethan dropped to his knees and started pulling on Ian’s shoelaces. Ian smiled and took off his shoes. Then he let Ethan pull him to the kitchen.

Mickey stood in the kitchen too, cooking dinner for the three of them.  
“Hey, freckles”, Mickey smiled.  
“Hey, babe, do you know what this is about?”  
Mickey nodded and smirked. Ethan pulled Ian to the fridge so he could see the picture.

Ian noticed the newest masterpiece.  
“Did you draw us?”, Ian asked, and Ethan nodded and explained again who was who. Ian grinned widely and picked the child up to snuggle him.  
“They were supposed to draw their parents in kindergarten”, Mickey winked at Ian.  
“You are a damn fantastic artist, hmm? And the cutest one too.”

Later that evening Ethan insisted on Ian reading him a good night story, otherwise he would stay up all night and annoy the two adults – highly unlikely, since he was very tired already, but Ian chose to take the easy way and just read him his story.

Mickey waited in the living room for him with two beers.  
Ethan picked a story Ian was supposed to read to him and crawled into his bed.  
“At Kindergarten you’re drawing your parents now, huh?”, Ian asked him, he was still deeply touched by the picture, because it pictured the three of them as family.

“Yes, We were supposed to draw our mommy and daddy, but I don’t have a mommy, so Jason made fun of me and I was sad. But today I made a picture with you, because you’re like my mommy.”  
“I’m your mommy?”, Ian chuckled.  
“No, but you live here, and you love me, and you help me get dressed and read me my story and you love my daddy and kiss him. But don’t worry, I won’t tell the others at kindergarten about it”

Ian’s wide grin died within a second.  
“Why would I worry?”  
“Daddy said, it’s a secret and I can’t tell anyone that you and daddy are a couple, because people will be mean.”  
“Daddy said that?”  
“Yes, so I can’t tell anyone about you and daddy, it’s a secret. Shht”, he put his tiny finger against his lips.

Ian’s heart dropped when he heard that… Mickey denying him was one thing… but this?  
“Now read my story”  
“Uh, yeah, sure.”

When Ethan was sound asleep – it took around three minutes – Ian came back to Mickey on the couch.  
“Is he asleep?”  
“Yeah”, Ian mumbled and sat down next to him, Mickey handed him his beer.  
“How was work”  
Ian shrugged, “Uneventful.”  
“Then why don’t we redirect your unused energy and have some fun for the rest of the evening?”, Mickey smirked and kissed his cheek.

“That’s the only thing I’m good enough for, right?”  
Mickey stopped and leaned away from him.  
“What?”  
Ian looked at his boyfriend, “Did you tell Ethan to not tell anyone about me?”  
Mickey bit his bottom lip and sighed, “Ian, I told you how this works, no one-“  
“Oh, cut it out!”, Ian got up from the couch, “It’s one thing that you don’t tell anyone, but you’re teaching your son, that being gay is wrong! That people will be mad when they know we’re gay – how can you do that?”  
“Well, it’s the truth-“  
“It’s not! And even if then you should teach him, that their opinion doesn’t matter.”

Mickey looked at his hands in his lap.  
“I’m tired of this fucking hide-and-seek game with you, Mick. I don’t want to be a secret anymore – what do you think for how fucking long I’m enduring this nonsense.”

“Ian, you’re not being fair.”  
“Fair?”, Ian spat, “You know what’s not fucking fair?! We’re together for over three years and I had to hide every second of it! I take care of your child and you forbid him to mention me! I always supported you with everything you did and your dearest friends, your bandmates, don’t even know we’re talking again! I’m supposed to just accept all of this shit – I can’t live here, because it might seem weird, there is no picture of me in here, in case someone comes over, no one even knows my name or that you have a relationship at all! My siblings think I’m a joke, having a date means eating delivered food in front of the fireplace after giving Ethan to your sister next door – and I’m supposed to be okay with that? You really think I can be happy like this forever?”

Mickey didn’t even dare to look up at him.  
“I told you in the beginning-“  
“That was three years ago, I can’t spend my whole fucking life like this. I’m feeling like just another side chick!”  
“Ian, I love you.”, he looked up at him now, “I’ve always loved you. But telling people about us could – could have disastrous consequences. Please, understand that”, he got up and took Ian’s hands.

Ian looked him coldly in the eyes, “Grow up”, he said and pulled his hands from him, “You’re not a gangster rapper, Mick. Who is supposed to have a problem with this? Your fans who write fanfictions about Eddie and Dom fucking in your tour bus? Your bandmates who are your best friends for 10 years? That whole fucking music scene is tolerant as fuck! Gerard Way and Frank Iero made out on stage all the time, Billie Joe Armstrong is bisexual, Ronnie Radke supports LGBT movements – yes, I fucking googled all of that, you idiot! So, tell me, who are you afraid of? Your fucking family that comes around every month asking for money? Grow the fuck up!”

“How can you say that?”, Mickey asked and took his beer, he walked around the couch, “You didn’t get the shit beaten out of you by your dad all the time! You didn’t have to listen to his homophobic bullshit your entire childhood!”  
“It’s been 8 years since you saw him for the last time! If you’re still not over this shit I think you never will be. And instead of working on it, instead of telling people for me, so we can finally be officially together, you just teach your son the same crap and hide in your little fucking closet! You’re not some hard core Rockstar, you’re just a damn coward.”

They looked at each other, Mickey didn’t have anything to say in response.

“Don’t you have anything to say?”  
“No. What do you want me to say, Ian? I can’t… I just can’t, okay? The thought of people knowing and judging me for this… Ethan could get bullied in kindergarten and school, my family could come here, my bandmates could be weirded out, I-“  
“Safe it”, Ian shook his head, “You won’t ever change, will you? It’s always gonna be like this. Hiding, lying…”, he sighed, “Well, I’m done. I’m done with this and I’m done with you.”

“What? Are you breaking up with me?”  
“What are the options here? You won’t tell anyone about us after I put up with your bullshit for 3 years, I can’t do this shit forever. I don’t want to do this forever. I don’t want to have this kind of relationship with you anymore.”  
“So, you’re just gonna leave? Right now, just like that? No word to Ethan? Just gonna decide that from one second to the next?”  
“If you really think I didn’t think about this before today, you’re a bigger moron than I thought. Besides, no one knows about this, Ethan isn’t allowed to tell anyone about me, I had to keep my apartment and keep my personal things there, there are no strings attached whatsoever, Mickey, you make it fucking easy for me to leave. And this whole conversation just made it even easier.”

Faster than Mickey could even process it, Ian took his shoes and his jacket.  
“Ian, I love you, you can’t just- Ian, stop, don’t go, you can’t just- “, but Ian was already out the door before he finished his sentence.


	8. I'm a coward when it comes to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andy Biersack - singer of Black Veil Brides

The next morning Ethan crawled into Mickey's bed and woke him up.  
"Ethan? Hey, what's up? Didn't we have a deal on not waking up daddy before 9 on Sundays?"  
"I had a bad dream", Ethan mumbled.  
"Oh no, what was the dream about?"  
"I dreamed, that Ian and you were fighting really loud and then Ian left and never came back."

Mickey was wide awake at once. He hoped it was really just a nightmare both of them had.  
"Really?"  
"Yes, and Ian said he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and then he left without saying good-bye to me... where is Ian?"  
Mickey bit his bottom lip – he didn't have to tell Ethan about the breakup, right? He didn't have to tell him that the bad dream really happened just yet. Maybe Ian would calm down and come back, that was a possibility, right? And as long as it was, he shouldn't scare his son by telling him, Ian might really not come back.

"Uhm, Ian is at work."  
"Again?"  
"Yeah, his boss called him in early, because a colleague was sick, and he had to take their shift."  
"But he will come back right?"  
"Of course, he will, Rockstar, don't you worry. But not today, he wants to sleep in his apartment tonight, because it's closer to his siblings house, because he will spent tomorrow with his siblings."  
"Ian has his own apartment?", Ethan asked confused, "Doesn't he live here?"

"People can live at 2 places at the same time sometimes. Now go to your room and get dressed, I'll make us pancakes for breakfast."  
"Yes, pancakes!", Ethan exclaimed and jumped from the bed to run to his room.

Mickey took his phone from the nightstand. He called Ian. It was pretty early, Mickey convinced himself that this was the reason why Ian didn't pick up.

Mickey made Ethan breakfast and spend the day like every normal Sunday, hoping Ethan wouldn't ask about Ian too often. In the meantime, Mickey called Ian as often as he could sneak away from Ethan, but he never picked up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been 3 days.  
Mickeys explanations for Ian's absence became more unconvincing.  
After a whole afternoon of Ethan demanding to call Ian over his daddy's phone, Mickey sent Ian a text in the evening.

 **Mickey:** it's been 3 days... maybe you had some time to cool down and not be so mad at me anymore. I know I fucked up, I know I deserved every word, I know you're right. I'm a coward when it comes to you. I've always been. And I'm sorry for that... but changing that is hard. All I can promise you is that I love you. You are the only person I've ever loved & will ever love. I want to spend my whole life with you and Ethan. About Ethan... he asks about you the whole time... he asked me to call you a hundred times today, that's why you got so many missed calls from me. What I'm supposed to say to him? So far I told him that you wanted to spend some time with your siblings. Am I supposed to tell him we broke up? That you won't come home anymore? Do you really want to no longer be with us?

Mickey put the phone away and got a drink from the kitchen he wandered through the living room, on one wall hang a picture of Strange. It wasn't a girly fan poster, it was from one of their photo shoots after their second album came out. He looked at his younger self.

They all had black, smudged eyeliner around their eyes, Sylvia had pink hair and there were still barely any tattoos on Mickeys right arm, in contrast to his left arm.

His phone binged and Mickey took it out - Ian actually responded!

 **IG:** I did cool down... but I'm still angry. And really, your text didn't make it better Mickey. I love you too and I believe you all your love declarations, I even believe you that you understand what I told you and what problems there are with you and me. But that doesn't change a thing. Changing is hard - of course it is. But you didn't even try. I've been nothing but patient for 3 years and you didn't take one step towards opening up about me towards people. I can't do this anymore. And it's one thing to say that you understand that, it's another thing to act accordingly. About Ethan - I love him too. In my book we were a little family already - but that was just an illusion from my part. What kind of family is this where he thinks he is doing something wrong when he talks about me?.... you should tell him we broke up. You're his parent, you have to do the parenting. It's your decision what you tell him. But don't keep up the illusion I will come back soon. Because I won't and it's not fair to him to pretend I will. I can't continue this relationship if you don't change. Not even for Ethan's sake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 **Flashback 9 years ago**

_Ian was 16 and Mickey seventeen, they were in Mickeys bathroom. Mickey sat on the edge of the tub, Ian stood by the door._

_Dom insisted on them wearing eyeliner at their next gig. Because all the big bands in their music scene also wore eyeliner all the time._

_"Eyeliner", Mickey shook his head, "Why don't we staple signs to our forehead that say 'we are fags, beat us up'"_   
_"Why would you staple them to your forehead? Isn't it enough to staple them on your shirt?", Ian asked._   
_"That's not my point"_   
_"Yes but the rest of your sentence made even less sense. Besides, I think you'll look hot with eyeliner. Exactly like Ronnie radke, Andy Biersack and Gerard Way"_

_"You do realise that I'm the guitarist not the singer, right?"_   
_Ian shrugged, "Put on the eyeliner, I want to see it, come on"_

_Mickey rolled his eyes, he stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. He sighed and took his sister's eyeliner._

_He pulled on his lashes to keep his eyelid closed while smearing the plack paint on then also put a decent amount under his eyes, he struggled a bit more trying to get the same amount of eyeliner on his other eyelid._

_It liked horrible, but luckily it didn't need to look good mor match, he just needed to smudge it with his fingers and had the punk rock look._

_Mickey looked at himself in the mirror when he was finished, "So what do you think?"_

_Ian stepped closer to him and turned Mickey to him. He smirked._   
_"I think it looks really hot on you."_   
_"It doesn't make me look like a fag?"_   
_"No, but this might", Ian mumbled and kissed him._

_Mickey grinned against his lips._   
_"You're a dork"_   
_"Yeah, but I'm a dork making out with a future Rockstar, you're just making out with a dork."_   
_"Fucking Alien-looking dork at that"_   
_Ian chuckled, "yeah, you really need to step up your game, Milkovich."_   
_Mickey looked into his bright eyes and smiled, "No I don't."_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Now**

Mickey sighed when he read Ian's text.  
"I really am a coward. A coward when it comes to you", he mumbled.

He walked back to the fireplace in the living room, a melody started forming in his head. It happened sometimes when he was feeling strong emotions and wasn't able to deal with them, that a melody started popping up in his head and before he knew it his emotions were poured out in chords and lyrics. Often that emotion was anger and hate, when he had his son, it was a lot about fear. Many of them were never heard by anyone than Mickey himself. Sometimes he forgot to write them down, but most of the time he just didn't want to show the songs to his bandmates.

Mickey took the guitar from next to the fireplace and sat down on the couch.  
He took his phone and started the recording function. He started trimming the melody in his head and the just started singing words that came to him.

" _I'm a secret keeper,_  
 _empty promise whisperer in our bed_  
 _I'm a prisoner_  
 _in memories and fear etched into my head_  
 _Bloody noses, scratches, black eyes_  
 _for loving you, I'll be damned_  
 _if you have them for loving me_  
 _I'm a protector_  
 _of you or myself,_  
 _self-absorbed toddler_  
 _scared of the monster under the bed_  
 _where I try to convince you_  
 _it's better to hide, better to lie_  
 _But the truth is_  
 _I'm a coward_  
 _I'm a coward when it comes to you._ "

Mickey stopped playing again when he noticed Ethan suddenly standing by the couch.

"Hey, Rockstar, what are you doing out of bed?"  
"I can't sleep.", he mumbeld and crawled on the couch, "that song was sad"  
"Most acoustic songs are sad", Mickey tried to brush it off, he stopped the recording on his phone and put the guitar down, "Let's get you back to bed."

"Daddy... Ian isn't coming back, is he?"  
Mcikey looked down at his son, he bit his lip, "No, he isn't. Not for now at least."  
"Why not?"  
"Well... because daddies make mistakes sometimes. I didn't treat him the way he deserved."  
"What did you do?"  
"It's not about what I did Ethan, it's about what I didn't. I didn't tell people, like my friends, that Ian and I are in love. I told you not to talk about him in kindergarten, I told him not to talk about our relationship to his friends... it's unfair. Ian doesn't deserve to get treated like that, so he left... but hey, he just told me on the phone, that he loves you very much though."

Ethan looked at the pants of his music instruments pyjama sadly, "But I thought if we tell people then they will be mean to Ian."  
"Maybe some will. But Ethan, that shouldn't be a reason to keep a relationship a secret forever. You see, your grandpa always told me it's wrong when 2 men love each other. But I tell you, it's not. And if some people have a problem with it, that's their problem not ours."

Ethan looked up at him, "if you treat Ian better will he come back?"   
Mickey shrugged, "I honestly don't know. But hey, I promise I will do everything I can to get Ian back here, okay?"   
Ethan nodded, "Can you play my sleepy song now?"  
"Of course, but in your room."

Mickey picked up his guitar and walked into Ethans room with him, Ethan lay back down in his bed and Mickey started playing " _Ethans sleepy song_ " a lullaby he wrote when Ethan was just a few months old.


	9. Sommy, Small E & Big E

Mickey had to win Ian back.  
After a whole week without a call, a text or seeing him once, he knew he just had to do anything it took.

Also, Ethan was angry with him. The boy didn't even remember a life without Ian, and Mickey openly said that it was his fault that Ian wasn’t there anymore.

Mickey knew this time he couldn’t just follow Ian to his apartment, put his heart out for one minute and that was it. This time he needed to work for Ian.

He needed to change. Not only for Ian, also for himself and for Ethan. He couldn't live like this forever. He couldn’t hide forever and teach his son to do the same. It was either telling people he loved Ian or losing Ian forever.

This shouldn't be a hard decision, right?  
It wasn't. Mickey would decide for Ian any second. But acting accordingly was the only thing that counted - but it was also the hardest part.

Whenever he played out the scenarios in his head - telling his bandmates, making it public on social media, his dad getting the news somehow - it always ended badly.

It wasn't like Terry and he were talking with each other anyways. They hated each other. How much worse could it get... well, he could find out where he was over his other relatives... he could find him and Ethan... he could beat him up again, break his hands, smash the place ... he could hurt Ethan. Terry wouldn't stop himself when it came to a 4 year old, not even his own grandson.

But what were the odds that he would hear about this? That he would even care?

All of those fears were controlling him for such a long time already. He just needed to overcome them once... but how?

He couldn't go up to people and just tell them straight up "I like being fucked in the ass. Also, I love a man"

At the thought of doing that in person he felt sick... but there was another option.

Mickey was always better at expressing himself through music. He could tell everyone everything they needed to know without having to stand in front of them trying to find the right words.

He had this epiphany one evening when he sat in his living room again, recording another piece of music that just came to him.

He could use these. He had written tons of songs about Ian over the years - he could write a few personal songs that were clearly about him and show them to the world - his friends, bandmates, family, fans ... they would all hear it, they would understand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Mickey got some alone time in the studio. He threw everyone out and explained how the recording thing worked to his cousin Sandy.

They recorded 4 songs.

If this is the end  
Silly sappy love songs  
Hate me  
I'm a coward when it comes to you.

Mickey recorded the guitar parts the way he envisioned it. None of those songs were acoustic, they all had a decent amount of E-guitar and Mickey desperately screaming into the mic.

Mickey and Sandy sat in the cabin with the mixing device together and listened to what they had so far.  
"Okay, what now? I mean you can't leave it like that right? You need bass and drums and all that shit.", Sandy said.  
"I know... I can play the bass myself... but do you think I should ask the guys to help me?"

Sandy shrugged, "It's your romantic gesture not mine. I think it's crazy that you do this at all. I mean, you said you wouldn't, but you literally wrote a silly sappy love song for him - 4 of them to be exact."

Mickey shrugged, "I'm doing whatever it takes, Sandy... did you see Ian around the Gallagher house lately?"  
"No, Lip and Debbie check in with him via facetime all the time, but he seems fine. Well, disorder wise. He is sad. But Lip is happy."

Mickey scoffed, "Of course he is."  
"Yeah, you should see him jumping through the house like a schoolgirl, fucking whistling all the time. The moment he heard about you two breaking up he almost made a fucking cartwheel through the living room."

Mickey shook his head, "I always hated that prick. He treated Mandy like shit when they were together, blamed her for it and now acts like all Milkoviches are assholes."

"Yeah, tell me about it", Sandy shook her head, "I practically live under one roof with him because of Debbie and Franny. He's always snarky and making dumb comments about everything. On Franny's 7th birthday, he really tried to convince her for hours that I'm not a good example and not her parent or part of the family. You have to imagine that - I help raising that girl for 4 years and when she calls me Sommy once, Lip acts like the world is ending."

"Sommy?", Mickey asked.  
"It's a mix of Sandy and Mommy, she is pretty proud of this creation."  
"Franny calls you mommy?"  
Sandy shrugged, "Sure she does, I take care of her when Debbie can't, we always do stuff together, the three of us. I'm sure Ethan sees Ian as dad too, doesn't he? After all, Ian has been in his life forever. Franny was 3 when I came into their life."

Mickey looked thoughtfully at the studio cabin.  
"I think he does. When the children were supposed to draw pictures of their parents in kindergarten, he made a picture of him, me, and Ian... Ian always called him Small E and Ethan called him Big E.", he smiled.  
"Man, who would have thought that the two gay kids of this fucked up family are the ones with the children and happy families now, huh?" 

Mickey chuckled, "Are you happy with that life? Wife and kid?"  
"Debbs isn't my wife."  
"Do you want her to be?"  
Sandy smirked and shrugged, "One day maybe. Do we get our own house as wedding gift?"  
Mickey chuckled, "To help you get away from Lip? Sure."

Sandy grinned, "Why are you asking? You want that too? You gonna come out to everyone with this and then settle down with Ian and the kid? Marriage and a house?"  
Mickey sighed, "I'm just thinking... if all of this goes south, the guys throw me out of the band or whatever, I can only hope Ian takes me back and then I take him and Ethan and get out of here."  
"You really think they'd do that?"  
"I don't know", Mickey shrugged, "I can only think about Terry and the shit he said when we grew up."

Sandy leaned back in her chair and shook her head, "Fucking Terry, you gotta stop letting him control your life, man. You don't live in his house anymore, he doesn't know where you live, you don't have any contact anymore with him. And you see, the rest of our family was pretty chill with me being gay."  
"Yes, because they sexualise Lesbians. I'm just the sissy fag, bad enough that there are pictures of me wearing eyeliner and nail polish." 

Sandy shrugged, "Fuck 'em", she said, "Who the fuck cares? If you want to play house with big E and small E, that's your thing. After all you have more money than the rest of this family ever earned together."  
Mickey nodded, "Yeah, It's damn fucking hard though, trying to get over all of that shit he punched into my head. It's fucking weak, I know."  
"Main point is that you'll do it. Whenever you struggle with it again, just think about how happy Ian will be and how you can be together with him and Ethan."

Mickey sighed, "Being a Sommy made you emphatic."  
Sandy scoffed and hit his arm playfully, "Shut up"


	10. If this is the end

Mickey asked Sylvia and Anthony to the studio. 

"So what's so important that it couldn't wait?", Sylvia asked.  
"I'm working on a project. I need your help... bass and drums."  
"Are you planning to go solo?", Sylvia chuckled.  
"No. Well, I wrote a few songs that I want to record and put out as an EP. But that has nothing to do with wanting to go solo or whatever." 

"What is it about then? You're always writing songs that never even make their way to our ears, and now you want help?"  
"You're the best bass player I know and this needs to be special. I will explain everything when it's more or less finished. I'll show you the guitar chords I've recorded so far, I just need you to put some sick bass and drums behind it." 

"What about the lyrics?", Anthony asked, "Don't we get to hear them?"  
"Not yet."  
"Ugh, Why do you have to turn everything into a secret?", Sylvia complained.  
"Guys, this is a very important project to me, okay? I just need you to trust me." 

Sylvia exchanged a look with Anthony and sighed, "Okay, let me hear that guitar" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A week later. 

Mickey asked the whole band to the studio. He and Sandy finished mixing some rough demos of his songs. It was time to show them to his band - it was time to come out to them. 

Mickey was even more nervous than he had been before their first concerts.  
This could be the end of his time with the band forever. 

Dom, Eddie, Sylvia and Anthony came into the small room where Mickey was waiting for them. 

"So man, what's all this about?", Dom asked when they all greeted each other.  
Mickey exhaled deeply, "So, uhm, I made some demos of a few songs I would like to put out as EP. This has nothing to do with wanting to go solo or anything, it's not about the band or-" 

"Mick, calm down, nobody's thinking that. You deserve to put out your own music, you're a great singer and songwriter."  
"Thanks Dom... okay, uh, this project is very important to me. You know how over the last years you always asked if I had, like, a girlfriend" 

"We are convinced you're madly in love with someone, yeah", Eddie nodded, "You denied it but couldn't get your eyes off your phone the entire tour."  
"To be fair, most of the time I was looking at Ethan's baby pictures because I missed him. But you were right, there is someone." 

"This is me pretending to be shocked", Sylvia mocked him and gasped dramatically, the others chuckled at her. 

"Alright, I get it. I wasn't really subtle. But the things is... the person left me."  
"Oh, shit man, I'm so sorry", Dom said.  
"I put the EP out to get them back."  
"So... you wrote a bunch of love songs?", Eddie asked. 

Mickey shrugged, "Just 2 actually... 3 maybe, the first one isn't a love song. I just want you to listen to this. It's just the demos, so it's not about quality, just the lyrics.", he mumbled. 

He hesitantly started the first song "If this is the end"  
Mickey didn't look at them during the song, especially during the bridge and the chorus. 

"Nothing of this is fair to you  
Why do I make you suffer for the hate I've been through?  
I didn't tell the truth, fearing people turning away  
\- but fuck all of them, I'd rather lose them today  
than seeing you leaving again 

I'm in love with a person so much braver than me  
And to be with him I'll set myself free  
He radiates a fucking rainbow  
Makes my head spin like a fucking tornado  
And if you all wanna hate me for this - fuck you  
Who do you think you are, that I really need you?  
If this means it's the end, so be it  
If it's this or him, then fuck you, I'll quit!" 

Mickey stopped the music after the track ended. He needed a reaction to this first before letting all of them listening to the love songs too. 

"I like it", Dom was the first to talk, "Has a certain kind of rage, but not the usual our parents are shit and our neighbourhood is fucked up kinda rage." 

Mickey looked up at him confused, the others agreed with Dom.  
"That's all you have to say?"  
"I would rephrase the rainbow bit. It doesn't really fit there - I get the connection, but maybe we'll find a better way of saying it." 

Mickey stared at him with an open mouth.  
"What?", Eddie chuckled, "Dude, okay, we get it, your secret lover is guy. So? Did you really think we'd throw you out of the band or some shit? For this?" 

Mickey bit his bottom lip and looked at the ground.  
"Mickey", Dom said, "You're our best friend. Did you really think we'd react like that?"  
"I dont know", he looked up at his friends, "I dont know, okay? Growing up every person who said something about gay people said something negative. I guess I started misstrusted everyone when it came to this." 

Dom sighed, "Come on man, we all love you. And we all had to leave our up bringing behind at some point... I'm gonna hug you now." 

"No, Dom, that's not necessary -"  
"Shut up, I'll hug you now. Because you're one of my best friends.", he said and went the two steps over to him and pulled him into a hug, "Don't fight it." 

Mickey sighed, he was very small in contrast to Dom (well, in contrast to anybody, but especially to Dom), so when Dom hugged him, he felt like a small child. 

"You gotta hug me back man, come on."  
Mickey sighed again and wrapped his arms around Dom too.  
"There we go. See, this is how I learned to show affection and appreciation to the people who are important to me. Now you're gonna learn how to not be afraid of homophobs waiting behind every corner."  
"Do I have to hug people for that too?"  
"Yes, I think we should do a group hug." 

"No, dude, come on, this is awkward enough."  
"Shut it, guys, group hug."  
The others chuckled but circled Mickey to trap him in a group hug. 

"I hate all of you right now", Mickey mumbled.  
"No, you don't.", Dom said and grinned.  
"Maybe not, are we finished with this? This was more hugging than my son got the entire week." 

The group slowly stepped back and they took their old spots, except Dom, who stayed next to Mickey. 

"Then you should hug your son more often"  
"I would. But he's angry with me because Ian left us."  
"Ethan already got attached to your boyfriend, huh?"  
Mickey nodded. 

"Wait, before we get to the heartbreaking story of your secret relationship - do we all agree that this wasn't really new to anyone here?", Eddie asked.  
"What?"  
"Come on, I always knew you liked boys."  
"How?"  
"Yeah, I don't remember ever suspecting it", Sylvia said. 

"Oh, come on! Don't you remember when we just started the band, this one ginger kid was always following Mickey around? They were totally having something going on. Before and after every gig we played the two disappeared in some dark corner together."  
"Right, I remember", Dom grinned, "He was a nice dude though, didn't he also come up with our name? And then you suddenly stopped talking, right?" 

Mickey nodded.  
"Shit, what was his name again?", Eddie mumbled.  
"Ian", Mickey helped him. 

"Funny, didn't you just say that's your new boyfriends name?", Anyhony asked, "What are the odds that your two boyfriends are both called Ian, right?"  
Anthony started chuckling, Mickey just frowned at him. Their drummer wasn't always the smartest. 

"Hold on, you're dating the ginger kid from back then?", Dom asked.  
"He's not a kid anymore. And technically we're not dating, we were in a relationship for 3 years until he broke up with me because I'm an idiot and now I want him back." 

"Okay, slowly. Tell us the whole story."  
Mickey sighed, "Okay, in short - when Ian and I were teenagers we spent most of our free time kissing. For no reason whatsoever. My dad caught us sleeping in one bed one day, beat me up and threatened us. When we had the chance to go on tour, I went to Ian again to say goodbye, he told me he loved me, we had sex and I left in the middle of the night." 

"Dick move", Sylvia commented. 

"I know. 3 years ago, after Nick died, I looked for him again, we talked it out and got together. It was pretty fantastic for the last 3 years, He adores Ethan and Ethan sees him as second dad, everything is well.", Mickey sighed, "Then Ethan painted a picture of the three of us and I told him to not tell anyone about Ian in kindergarten because no one was supposed to know about our relationship. Ian found out about that and got angry. He is tired of being a secret and all that. He broke up with me and since then made it very clear, that he won't take me back until I've changed. Until I told people about this, about him. And I know I can't tell people in statements and tweets, so I wrote those songs. Also he always wanted me to write a love song for him, so I did." 

"Okay, let's make this fucking special then, yeah? Let's hear those other songs, then we get in there and refine the guitars and drums, give you some backing vocals until this stuff is so good that dude falls to his knees in front of you and proposes to you as soon as he hears it.", Dom said energetically. 

"It would be enough if he forgives me and moves back in with me and Ethan."  
"Don't ruin the energy, Milkovich, now play the next song."


	11. Silly Sappy Lovesong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lonny - Lonny Eagelton new bass player of Black Veil Brides

It's been 4 months since Ian broke up with Mickey. He had barely heard anything from him since then and he missed him like crazy.

He spent most of his time looking through all the pictures and videos he took of Ethan and Mickey over the years.

When Ethan was around 18 months old, he had a small xylophone. He often brought it to the living room, sat down in front of Ian and Mickey and started hitting it with the mallets, grinning at every note. Then he would stand up and go to his daddy's guitar next to the fireplace, point at it and mumble something like "daddy make music" and Mickey would take his guitar and would play a small melody while Ethan played the xylophone.

Ian had a video of this which he loved to watch day in day out.   
Ian sighed and closed the video and made his way to work. When he arrived, he got a text – surprisingly from Sandy, Mickey’s Cousin.

 **Sandy** : Hey, did you listen to Mickey’s songs yet??? You could at least react in some way, he put a lot of effort into this!!!

Ian looked at the text confused.

 **Ian:** What are you talking about?

Sandy sent him a tweet from a week ago.

 **Sandy** : dipshit – did you stop following him on Twitter AND blocked him on WA or what??! Listen to this

Ian unfollowed Mickey’s social media a few weeks ago. The last thing he knew about Mickey’s actions was that he was working on a new project of some sort.   
Ian sighed and clicked on the tweet.

**+++ New EP out now +++**   
**As some of you may know I've been working on a project very important to me those last months.**   
**Surprise - it's music, who would have thought**   
**They are very personal songs about a person very important to me... ILY IG**

Ian stared at the tweet with wide eyes.  
Mickey put out his own music? With him singing? Ian always said he should do that, but Mickey never wanted to.

More importantly though... "person very important to me" "personal songs" ... ILY IG which probably meant I love you Ian Gallagher... Ian didn't know how to comprehend this.

He clicked on the Spotify link. The EP was legit called **IG**.  
He looked at the four songs.

**If this is the end**   
**Silly sappy love songs**   
**Hate me**   
**I'm a coward when it comes to you.**

Ian needed to listen to these songs... but he had to work now. Shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ian finally had his lunch break. He sat across from the station in a small diner where he often ate lunch.  
He took out his phone and went back to the tweet, he wanted to click on the link when the comment section caught his eye.

The one on top said  
"Me listening to these songs" and underneath was a picture of a girl holding a guitar with a rainbow sticker and wearing a rainbow Cape. Ian smirked when he saw it.

He scrolled through the comments they were mostly positive. There were some weird ones though from the "Deddie" shippers. (Yes, that was what they decided to call Dom + Eddie)

"Sadly, it's the wrong guitarist who's gay now"

"Praying them gay worked!!!! Sadly, with the wrong one 😔 (jk) "

Calling Mickey, the wrong guitarist didn't sit right with Ian. Stupid kids.  
But so, Mickey really did it. He came out. His whole fanbase knew he was gay now. Other musicians from the band or also from others, like Lonny from Black Veil Brides, left encouraging comments, calling him brave, congratulating him for coming out and so on.

There were some negative ones, but they were told to kindly fuck off by Mickeys other fans.

He clicked on the Spotify link again, the cover of the EP showed Mickeys half naked body, which was almost completely covered in tattoos by now, and a small hand, which could be Ethan's, write IG next to the Ethan tattoo on Mickeys chest with a sharpie. Ian grinned, he took his headphones out, when two colleagues sat down at his table.

"Hey Gallagher, you mind us joining you?"  
"Oh, no, sure."  
Ian didn’t want company right now, he wanted to listen to the songs Mickey wrote for him.

"Hey, you know that one band, rock stuff, they're here from the Southside? _Strange_ I think, is their name.", one colleague asked the other.  
"Strange? No, doesn't ring a bell."  
"However, their guitarist is gay."  
"Really?"  
"Yes, he made a whole EP just about being gay. Little attention seeking if you ask me- I mean, wasn't a tweet enough? And then he wrote a bunch of love songs for some dude.", he shook his head, "Maybe he should go into Pop music, join the other sad gays", he chuckled, then looked at Ian, "No offence."

"Oh, no, why would I be offended? Because you think gay people can't make rock music?"  
The colleague rolled his eyes, "Don't be pissed, Gallagher. I meant because you're a fan of that band, aren't you?"  
"So, you're not even gonna acknowledge that you just spewed homophobic bullshit?"

The colleague rolled his eyes, "It's not about being gay per se. I just don't get why he has to make such a fuss about it. Comes out and immediately turns into a drama queen", he laughed, "but seriously, the love songs are too much."

"Did you listen to them?", Ian asked.  
"Well... no. But a friend told me that they're love songs."  
"Mickey doesn't write sad slow love songs, if he wrote them, there gonna be a bunch of e-guitars and drums in it though.”, he said angrily, suddenly feeling like he had to defend Mickey’s work for him.

The two colleagues looked at him weirdly.  
“Why do you care so much?”  
Ian shrugged, “There is just no reason to bash his work. Especially if you didn’t even listen to it yet. I think it’s pretty brave of him to come out like that.”

“Why did he do that anyway?”, the second colleague asked, “Does anyone really care? Did he just need the attention?”  
“Maybe to stay relevant, maybe their last album didn’t sell well.”  
“Destiny Embraced All The Hopeless was a great album”, Ian defended the album, he had to know it, after all hang the gold plague for DEATH in Mickey’s living room, “And maybe he came out, so he didn’t have to hide who he is anymore. How about that? Maybe he loves someone and wants to be together with him the way his bandmates are with their girlfriends.”

“Whatever”, the colleague dismissed him with a shrug, “If you care so much, I think he has an interview later at some rock radio station.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On his way home Ian finally got to listen to the songs, he listened to all of them on repeat. Ian was right, e-guitars, strong bass lines and drums – and Mickey’s rough, deep voice singing love declarations for Ian.

Ian checked his twitter again to get more information about the interview his colleague had mentioned earlier.  
Mickey indeed tweeted about a radio interview where he would talk about the EP together with Dom.

Ian quickly put on the radio station on his phone. They were currently playing “Hate me” by Mickey.

“ _Your family hates me – always did  
Your brother thinks I’m an asshole – right he is  
Your friends tell you to leave me – you better should  
Everyone hates me, nobody knows me,  
I begged you to tell them nothing about me  
Every person in your life that matters tells you to hate me  
And I admit it would be better for you to just leave me  
Yet, I’m a selfish piece of shit  
\- because I beg you ‘Do not hate me’_ “

Ian had to actually smile about this song, because it was true, his family didn’t like Mickey, especially Lip, and they told him to break up with him and hate him – But Ian didn’t give a fuck about what they wanted.

After the song ended, the hyper radio host introduced Mickey and Dom. They talked about Mickey’s coming out and how the people reacted to it. Ian smiled when he could finally hear Mickey’s voice again. Finally, they went a little deeper into Mickey’s reasons to put the EP out.

“Since you put out the EP there have been a lot of questions circling the internet and I think even more theories to answer them. One of the most prominent questions is – why now? What happened that you decided that this is a good time to come out and share this very personal information, not only about your sexual orientation but also about your feelings for, I’m assuming, a specific person.”, the host asked.

“Well, that sounds like I sat in my living room one day and decided ‘today’s a good day to come out’ – but that’s not what happened. All of the tracks are very personal and are about a specific person. I’ve been in a relationship with this man for three years and he got tired of being kept secret, rightly so, of course. Everyone would get tired of that at some point and leave.”

“So, he said, he would only come back if you came out?”

“He didn’t say he’d come back for sure, he didn’t blackmail me to come out or anything. I realised that it’s time to come out now, it’s either this or being alone forever and that seemed worse to me than maybe getting some backlash for coming out.”

Now Dom took the word, “What people need to understand about this, we grew up in a very homophobic environment, especially Mickey with his dad. Growing up with that amount of hate meant growing up mistrusting people and always assuming the worst of this would get out.”

“Exactly”, Mickey agreed, “But I was lucky, like I said before, the majority of people reacted very positively.”  
“And not only that, most of your fans weren’t so interested in _why_ or _why now_ , but in _who._ You said it’s all about the boyfriend you mentioned, the prominent theory right now is that IG are the initials of the man the songs are about.”  
“Yeah, they are”  
“They are, do you plan to mention his actual name?”

“No, definitely not. IG is already giving out personal information, I don’t want to risk people finding out who he is and maybe harassing him or something. We love our fans, but sometimes a few of them can go a little wild. And a group of them @ing him on twitter and trying to pressure him to come back to me or whatever would be not helpful.”

“You don’t want anyone to force him to come back.”  
“Right. I’ve done what I could to fight for this relationship and either it was enough, or it wasn’t. Either way I won’t regret coming out and putting out the EP. It was long over-due.”

Ian smiled widely while listening to the interview. When they were finished, Ian quickly got up from the couch and put his shoes on again. Mickey should go home after that interview, right? He could go to Mickey’s place and wait there for him… see him again and tell him that yes, this was more than enough, this was everything he ever wanted from him and that now he just wanted to come home to him and Ethan again.

While making his way to Mickey’s apartment he listed to his favourite track of the EP: Silly Sappy Love Song

“ _You always wanted me to write you a love song  
Be more romantic & say how I for your smile long  
Sing about how fucking beautiful you look and how much I love you  
How Waking up to you in the morning is a dream that came true  
Your freckles look like stars all over the place  
And, fuck, I could spent hours kissing your face  
You always wanted me to tell them I love you  
And I know it’s a confession long over-due too  
That your arms are where my heart belongs  
But boy – I don’t write silly sappy love songs._” 

The song gave Ian a big grin that said “ha, but you did though!”  
Ian arrived at the apartment before Mickey could, given the way from the radio station and the traffic.

Some paparazzies were standing around the building, waiting for Mickey to come home.  
Ian got past them, so he stood near the entrance to the building. He hoped Mickey would come before the security inside would kick him to the curb – but well, they should still now him and he still had Mickey’s key.

Mickey arrived only a few minutes later. He looked like he was annoyed, he pushed past the annoying paparazzies while holding his head down. Just when he arrived at the door and directly stood in front of Ian, he noticed him at all.

Mickey looked up at him surprised.  
“Hey”, he smiled, “Sorry it took me so long to get here, Sandy sent me the link to your songs this morning.”  
Mickey started smiling too, “You came back”, he whispered.   
“Don’t act so surprised… Could we talk about this inside maybe, without the horny camera fuckers staring at us?”  
“Yeah, sure, but if you don’t mind, I’m gonna kiss you now.”

Ian grinned down at him, “Really? In front of all those paparazzies?”  
“Yeah”, he nodded and then pulled Ian down to him to kiss him, which caused a bunch of camera flashes hitting them. Mickey chuckled against Ian’s lips and then quickly fled into the building with Ian.


	12. This is Ian

They went upstairs to Mickey's apartment, making out in the elevator.  
"I missed you so much", Ian mumbled when they got out of the elevator and walked to Mickeys door, "And Ethan too."

"I was afraid it wouldn't be enough", Mickey admitted, "Or would be too late."  
"Not enough? You put out a whole ass EP with my name on it. I would have been okay with a tweet that shows a rainbow flag. I love you so much"

"I love you too. And I missed you so much - Ethan too. He was really angry at me the last months."  
Ian smiled and moved his hand towards Mickey's while he unlocked the apartment door. Their bracelets connected with a metallic click. He had missed this sound too.

Mickey grinned widely while opening the door, Ian turned him around to him again and kissed him again. The sound of small feet running over the floor made them stop. Ethan gasped loudly before Ian even turned around to him.

"Ian!", the boy exclaimed and started running to them, Ian turned around and squatted down to hig the child.  
"Hey, small E, I missed you."  
"I missed you too. Will you live with us again?"  
"But will you really move in this time and get rid of your old apartment?", Mickey asked.

Ian stood back up, picking Ethan up with him.  
"Really? You want that?"  
"Make it harder for you to leave again? Yeah I want that."  
Ian chuckled and pecked Mickeys lips again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the evening they lay together in Mickey's bed, making out.  
"Did you lock the door?", Mickey whispered.  
"Yes."  
"Good, because I wouldn't be surprised if Ethan tries to come in here at some point in the middle of the night."  
Ian smiled, "He was pretty clingy when I put him to bed"  
"Of course he was, he asked me when you would come back every day."

Ian ran his hand through Mickeys black hair.  
"I'm so happy to be back. You two are my family and, as it turned out, leaving your family is fucking painful."  
Mickey smiled up at him, he wanted to answer when he heard the sound of someone trying to open the door. But Ian really locked it this time.

"Do you think he will go back to bed if we pretend to be asleep?", Ian whispered.  
"Have you ever met a 4 year old child? Come on, get down. Looks like we have to postpone the reconciliation sex"

Ian rolled down from Mickey, who got up from the bed and went to open the door, Ethan called out for his daddy by now.  
Mickey opened the door to his son with his favourite stuffie and his night light.

"Hey, Rockstar, why aren't you in bed?"  
"I want to sleep here tonight"  
"But why? Isn't your bed the most comfortable one anymore?"

"You can sleep there if you like it so much", Ethan just said and then marched past his dad to the big bed.  
"Do you think we fit in here? All three of us? You've gotten so big lately.", Ian grinned at the child, but Ethan was having none of that.

"I watch you and make sure you don't leave again", he said and then held up his night light, which looked like a lady bug, "And bug watches too."  
Mickey sighed and closed the door, he went to the bed and put Ethans night light on the bedside table.

"Okay Ethan, you can sleep in our bed, but lose those abandonment issues. No one's leaving you again.", he looked at Ian, "Great, if you gave him abandonment issues you basically made him a Gallagher, that's what you meant with us being your family?"

Ian rolled his eyes, "Shut up, don't listen to him, Small E, daddy is just being over protective as usual."  
"Now, mouth shut, eyes closed young man, sleepy time.", Mickey ordered and lay down under the blanket, making sure his boyfriend and son were all nicely tucked in themselves.

Ethan lay between Ian and Mickey.  
"Do you think we can go on a real date tomorrow?", Ian whispered.  
"Not sure if that's a good idea"  
Ian sighed, "Seriously?"  
"Calm your ass, the media just shot pictures of us kissing. They will circle the house and me for the next few days, trying to get some snap shots."

"So?"  
"So? You wouldn't mind being put in the spotlight like that?"  
"I don't care. I just want to finally be together with you and do couple things. Go on dates, take long romantic walks on the beach-"  
"Gallagher, I wrote love songs for you, but I'm not gonna take romantic walks on the beach - especially no long ones."

Ian chuckled, "I bet one day, I will get you to take that walk with me. One way or another I don't care who sees us or who knows about us or who knows my face - as long as they don't get my full name, address and social security number."

Mickey smiled and nodded, "Okay, then we're having a date tomorrow, if Mandy can babysit Ethan."

Ian smiled, leaned over Ethan to peck his lips, whispered "Good night", and then lay down to sleep.

Mickey looked at the two guys in his bed and smiled, yes, this was his family, and it would never be broken apart again. And the whole world should know.

Mickey took his phone and opened Instagram.

He selected a few of his favourite pictures of Ian.  
Ian and Ethan reading a book together.  
Ian holding Ethan and the two are looking at each other.  
Ian and Mickey leaning against each other with Ethan in Mickeys lap, who was opening a Christmas present while their Christmas tree was behind them (it was their first Christmas morning together).  
A photo Mandy shot of Ian standing behind Mickey while he was cooking, arms wrapped around him, Ian kissed his cheek and Mickey grinned widely.  
The picture Ethan painted of them as family.  
And a picture of their bracelets.

He posted the pictures on Instagram with the caption:

" _This is Ian. He was my best friend ever since we were kids in the Southside, he has always been there for every important moment in my life. For the last 3 years he was my partner. We were broken up for 4 months but are now back together. I kept him a secret bc I was worried about people's reactions. Thanks to your tolerance, acceptance & love Ian, Ethan and I can finally live freely together. These two are my family & I love no one more than them_."

Mickey then put his phone away and lay down with the two of them.

The next morning Mickey woke up to many positive comments, and especially a lot pointing out that Ethan with his blond-red hair looked a bit like he could actually be Ian and Mickeys biological son.


	13. Ethan being very subtle

**2 years later**

Ian came home after a stressful day at work. The apartment now not only showcased pictures of Ethan or the band, but also pictures of Ian, especially in combination with Ethan or Mickey.

Ian took off his shoes and jacket and carried himself to the couch where he could finally sit down and relax.  
Ian loved his job as EMT and although he didn't really need to work since living with Mickey he didn't want to give up his job.

Mickey came to the living room a minute later with a glass of water and handed it to Ian.

"Hey, freckles, stressful day at work?"  
Ian drank some of the water and nodded, "Yeah, it's good to be home, come here"

Ian put the glass away and opened his arms in an inviting manner. Mickey smirked and sat on him, straddling his thighs.

"Ethan sleeps at a friend's house today, we have the whole day and night to ourselves.", Mickey mumbled.

Ian smiled and kissed him. Their kissing turned into a heated making out quickly, instead of taking Mickeys shirt off Ian went straight for his pants.

"Wait", Mickey mumbled smirking, "I want to show you something."  
Ian looked up at him confused while Mickey took his shirt off.  
Mickey redirected Ian's attention to Mickeys chest, where he had Ethans name tattooed.

Now Ian's name was tattooed right next to it.  
Ian smiled at it and traced his finger around it.

"You can be fucking romantic if you want to be", Ian whispered.  
"Yeah, don't tell anyone, got a reputation to lose."  
Ian chuckled and kissed him again.

"Just Ian though? Not IG?"  
Mickey usually addressed him as IG in social media.  
"In case you're changing your last name to Milkovich one day", Mickey shrugged and winked.  
"You think I'll take your name when we get married?"  
"Mhm, talking when not if, huh? And yes, I think Ian Milkovich has a nice ring to it."

"Ian Milkovich has a nice ring", Ian whispered, "He better does, otherwise he wouldn't become Ian Milkovich"

Mickey grinned and kissed him again, neither was sure how much of this was just joking around and how much was actual promises and planning.

But the topic of marriage was constantly on their minds for the last 2 months.

2 months ago Debbie and Sandy got married. Mickey gave them an apartment of their own has wedding gift (partly to piss of Lip) and they even took Franny while the two girls where on their honeymoon.

Ever since their wedding and Ethan spending a lot more time with Franny due to them living closer to each other now, Ethan didn't let go of the wedding topic.  
He even painted a picture called "My dads' wedding"

Mickey eventually was so amused by the kid that me made an instagram post of the picture with the caption:

" _Things my son does since my cousin married IGs sister :_  
_\- calling IG Daddy 2.0_  
\- insisting that we should get married so IG can be his dad officially  
_\- asking when we're getting married_  
_\- asking if he can come on honeymoon with us if we get married (hard pass)_  
_\- painting pictures of our potential wedding_  
_\- making dinner conversations about who should take whose last name in case of a wedding_

 _Things my son does not:_  
_Being fucking subtle_ 😂 "

Ian loved it when Mickey tweeted about him or mentioned him in Insta posts. After being hidden for so long he enjoyed being talked and bragged about.

He didn't always need the attention from Mickeys fans (some of which found his Instagram a whole back, so he had to go private) and also didn't need the comments from his colleagues (which were especially annoying, invading, disrespectful and distasteful in the beginning) but he loved being acknowledged, loved not being hidden anymore. Mickey wasn't ashamed of him and that gave him confidence every day.

The two lay in bed next to each other, naked.

Ian looked over to Mickey, who exhaled deeply, his eyes closed.

Mickey scooter closer and pulled Mickey into his arms, so he lay on his shoulder.

"Mick..."  
"Yeah?"  
"I was just wondering... about the whole wedding, marriage thing... are we just joking around or..."

Mickey looked up at him.  
"What do you mean?"  
"We never had like a serious conversation about this stuff. Are we just joking around or do we really get married one day?"

"I wouldn't joke about this", he whispered softly, "In the manner of a serious conversation - do you want to marry me... some day?"  
Ian looked at him and smiled, "I want that. Very much so."  
Mickey smiled too and kissed him softly, "Okay."

Ian frowned, "Okay? That's it?"  
Mickey nodded, "Isn't that the end of the serious conversation, we figured our we're on the same page here."  
"So... aren't you gonna propose to me?"  
"Not now, lying here together naked in bed, come on, I can do it a bit more classy. Also, it still should be a bit of a surprise, no?"

"I hate surprises."  
"You like surprises. You hate waiting. I hate surprises, which is also the reason why I'm proposing to you. Besides I don't even have a ring for you right now. So you gotta be patient."

"I don't need some fancy ring."  
"Yeah, you do, I had to promise Ethan he can pick out the ring. He's damn fucking picky."  
"Does that mean... you already looked at rings with him?"

"Yeah, it's actually good to know that you really want to marry me, imagine if you were just joking around and I would have proposed and you said no.", Mickey said, and Ian could hear that he was apparently really worried about that.

"I won't say no", he assured him, "I'm going to marry you."  
Mickey grinned up at him, "But don't tell anyone until I actually asked you, Ethan's gonna throw a fit otherwise."

"He's gonna make us have a big wedding, won't he?"  
"Yeah, he will, but I want a big wedding with you too, freckles, what did you think about? Getting hitched at the courthouse?"  
Ian shrugged, "I don't care. As long as it's about you and me... and Ethan."  
Mickey smiled and kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End  
> I know I'm not a song writer by the way - but I hope you enjoyed the song parts of Mickey's songs though  
> Thank you so much for reading loves,   
> \- Love, Miriam


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